Balance, it’s a very important concept that very few seem to actually get. And it’s not our fault it’s just how the human brain works. However if we allow this to run rampant it’ll lead us into all sorts of errors. One of the most common ones that I see is the false logic behind the nice guy/beta and alpha/asshole dichotomy. Something that I’ve tried to explain before in books but want to shine some more light on here.
So here’s a common trajectory for a male who is exposed to the “red pill” or simply what used to be called masculine influences. Maybe he’s a good guy who starts out trying to do everything “right”. He works hard to get a good stable job, he’s nice and caring, and he really tries to do by right by society and others around him. Unfortunately he is also soft and lacks any trace of masculinity or strength.
And therefore he struggles with his relationships with women (as well as with men but in a different way). Maybe he gets burned a couple of times and gets sick of it. So he seeks to find the answer to his issues. Maybe he listens to mainstream sources who tell him he just needs to double down on being an ever nicer guy and trying even harder. Maybe he does this and ends up with the exact same results if not worse, so he keeps searching.
A False Positive
Then maybe he talks to a friend who is having more success with women or stumbles upon a site that will teach him the same thing. And they tell him that he’s weak and supplicating (which is true) and that it is one of his biggest issues regarding why he doesn’t have the success with women that he wants (also largely true). They tell him he needs to be a cocky, arrogant, asshole that treats all women like shit or maybe something a little bit less extreme but in the same vein.
So he goes out and does more and more of these things and finds to his surprise that he is getting more and more success with women. He’s getting more dates, he’s sleeping with more girls, and he is getting more respect and loyalty from them than he was before. And he thinks “I’ve found the silver bullet, just be an asshole who treats women like crap.” and so he goes out and experiencing more success begins to preach his results to anyone who will listen.
But this isn’t the whole truth. While this man is certainly having more success with women than he had before and did in a way take a step in the right direction (by becoming stronger) he’s still not seeing the whole picture and is not getting the results that he could be getting. One thing he finds is that most of the girls he attracts have issues, sometimes major issues and chalks it up to “all women are crazy” and just the way things are. He instructs friends with women issues but runs into a problem.
The Truth Of The Matter
It’s a friend that he has. This guy is certainly strong and masculine and has plenty of success with women but the weird thing is he doesn’t treat them like crap, ignore them, or ever really play games. He’s just “himself” and attracts better quantity and quality of girls than our red pilled friend here. He chalks it up to a fluke but starts noticing more and more guys who go against many of the principles of his ideology and experience more success and happier lives for it.
Perplexed our friend decides to ask them some things. After some time trying to understand our friend begins to come to some realizations. First off he begins to understand that it’s not so much treating women like shit that attracts them to him (which is really just the same side of the coin of pedestalizing women) but rather that he displays strength in some form, more than he did before. He finds that by adding in some *gasp* niceness not only does he have more success with women but he enjoys his life more as well.
Decades later our friend sees things as they are and realizes the error that he and so many others fall into. You see most people get stuck in a dichotomy. They figure okay being a nice guy didn’t work so therefore I must be a giant asshole and that’ll work. Not realizing that both stem from weakness. Sure the nice guy is weaker than the asshole by the asshole is weaker than the confident man. Which leads to some more insights.
Niceness From Strength & From Weakness
There are two kinds of “niceness” there is the one that comes from weakness and which the nice guy exhibits and then there’s the one that comes from strength which the confident man exhibits. The guys who have the most success with women (not counting uber riches or fame) are guys that are masculine and happy. They smile and enjoy their lives and have no problem being kind to people because they have a strong base to work from.
As a wise friend said to me “Grow a nice personality on masculine soil.” It’s not just about being the wannabe uber tough guy, it’s about being human and being a man in full. Which requires vulnerability and yes, niceness and connecting with other people. You can do this because you have a strong masculine core to operate from and therefore can take whatever the world has to offer good or bad. Be happy go lucky and masculine.
This is a level of development that most males fail to accomplish or realize is important. The majority of males get stuck in the nice guy trying to please everyone stage and then a smaller percentage get stuck in the be a uncaring “tough” guy stage and only a few make it to be complete men. And that is where the most happiness and success in life (and yes with women, both in quantity and quality) happens. So don’t be a nice guy but be a nice man, if that makes sense. Be able to wrestle a bull but also have a winning smile and don’t be scared to laugh at yourself.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
