While I like to make fun of the manosphere in many ways there’s no doubt that there’s been a ton of wisdom dispersed from it. One of the best is the concept of “nexting” or always having options. Far too many men get far too invested in every XX chromosome that gives them any kind of attention. As our fathers would say “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” something that males as a whole have forgotten in our female worshiping culture.
I meant to share this a ways back but got caught up in a bunch of stuff so am sharing it now. This is a reader’s story who will remain anonymous of his dealing with nexting and how he is the better for it. It’s a bit long but it contains some essential truths that are important and as he says its one thing to understand something on a conceptual level and another to actually follow through on it in real life.
Here’s the story.
I thought I might share a small success story with you in case it could help someone else in the future.
The background is that I spent over a year trying to fix a failed marriage after 10 years together, and part of my frustration was that I knew with absolute certainty my ex wife was not putting in similar, or any, time and effort to the same cause. The one key point to take away from my relationship was that it had some serious problems from the beginning, and I learned that my commitment to confronting problems and weathering storms has always meant I end up with people who rely on this, which never works out.
This research continued after the relationship ended, and became more focused on improving myself and wife selection. Although admittedly I have not been putting as much effort in as I need to be recently, but it is an ongoing process. The key commitment I made to myself was that I would not make finding a long term girlfriend or wife a priority, and that I would not compromise on my principles should I find a decent girl.
This was fairly easy to stick to as I bounced around between hook ups and short term girlfriends. I didn’t really care about them, and it was easy to shut things down when problems became apparent or the girls started misbehaving. The first actual challenge came today. I had been out with a girl a number of times, and was actually beginning to feel attached and interested in her. She really looked like potential girlfriend material, and I was genuinely happy and excited about the possibility of spending time with someone I cared about. Unfortunately (for her) this morning, out of the blue, she canceled plans with me because he ex boyfriend is in town and wanted to see her, “just to talk”, of course. I nearly slipped into my old habits of justifying it, or giving her one chance, or looking for a solution, or “trying harder”, but I remembered my commitment. I told her to enjoy her time with him, and that would be the last she would be hearing from me. She, predictably, had a fit, but, despite feeling physically ill about it, I deleted her contact info and stuck to my decision. The reality is that I very quickly felt a sense of relief and I realized that my life is no worse than it was before I met her, and certainly better than it would have been if I had stuck with her.
The lesson I took away from this is that guys need to be fully committed to implementing their training when that first test comes. I would say even if there is a doubt about whether or not a guy is correct in his decision to next a girl, he should definitely do it early on in the process of learning to man up. There is nothing to be lost by nexting a girl if a guy is living the rest of his life correctly, and getting comfortable with that idea is an important part of building resilience.
The question I have is whether or not I should have explained to her what the problem was? I thought about it, but ultimately decided that was just getting into negotiation territory, and opening up more chances for her to keep talking to me.
Thanks for all the good work.
Best regards
Always Better To Get A New One
Women are a plentiful and renewable resource, even beautiful women when you look at it honestly. Now granted if you are a low tier guy then this won’t be true for you but if you’re a guy putting in plenty of work into yourself then that’ll change. Too many guys invest way, way, way too much in each and every woman that they interact with and therefore very rarely end up with the type of relationships that they want.
So many guys put up with stuff that just shouldn’t be put up with and are worse off for it, that or they try to salvage unsalvageable relationships. They let the brain in their pants do their thinking and rationalize all sorts of nonsense and then are genuinely surprised when things blow up in their face. Look it’s pretty much always easier to just get a new one than fix the broken one that you have.
You have to take the blinders off and look at things rationally, something that’s far easier said than done especially in the beginning. This doesn’t mean you have to be cruel or treat women poorly or anything like that. Just don’t overinvest and always have a contingency plan should things go wrong (as they so often do). Understand that modern life is not set up for long term realtionships are neither are modern women.
Best Way To Get In The Habit Of Nexting
Is to have multiple options. Something Rollo Tomassi always talks about and is 100% right one. This doesn’t mean you have to have a mistress if you’re married or anything like that rather it means that you should always have the ability to have another woman in your life at any given time. Say whoever is your current interest were to suddenly tomorrow do something unforgivable that’d you have her replacement lined up within the week.
Part of this is being an attractive man overall and part of it is being sure to actively cultivate interest. Do you walk around sulking and angry or do you walk around greeting others and smiling? Even stuff like that makes a big difference. Again doesn’t mean you have to be some cheeseball with some dumb goofy smile on his face 24/7 just overall are you someone who has the ability to replace. Do this and your relationships will be 10x better than they were.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
