Everything is connected. Not feeling fulfilled, not getting the money you need, not attracting the women you want, not finding the friends you want, and so on and so forth. It’s all connected. Your life is all connected, every facet of it, they all feed into one another. This can be either a good thing or a bad thing. When it’s working for you it is a good thing because everything strengthens one another however when it’s working against you it is a bad thing because everything is working together against you.
This is the entire basis of my first book The Primer (which of course you’ve read right?) and what the focus of this essay is going to be about. Getting things in order so that 2+2=8 meaning that the sum is greater than the parts. Which is what happens when you get a few key things right. Most guys problems can be traced back to this. They may get one area of their life right but are falling behind drastically in another leading to their results being choked out. Sort of like having one part of your garden cultivated by the rest overflowing with weeds, eventually they’re going to choke out the one cultivated area. I don’t know much about gardening but as long as you get the overall point we’re good.
So let’s talk about things that you should get rid of, things that you should limit, and things that you should do to get your life going in the right direction and making progress. Now some of this stuff will not be new to you, which is fine. The important thing is that you’re actually implementing it in your life. It’s one thing to know something and something else entirely to implement it and something else entirely to continue implementing it over time. Remember the compound effect where essentially the rewards become more greater and larger the more you stick with something. Alright let’s get started.
Things You Need To Drop From Your Life
So again I’ve never gardened so apologies to gardeners for whatever I butcher but to return to our analogy above. Let’s say you found the healthiest seeds possible, the most fertile dirt, a perfect climate that had just the right amount of sun and rain to grow, and set up your garden there. But every night you also came around and dumped some bleach on the seeds as well. What would happen? Well obviously they’d die. So even with everything perfect when you come around and dump bleach on something it’s not going to grow. There are a few key things that work as bleach in our self-development that I want to talk about and that you need to cut out of your life.
Pornography
I’ve seen this shit mess up so many lives and keep so many guys from getting the lives that they’ve wanted. I’ve also seen guys who think there is nothing wrong with it and not realize the major negative effect that it has on their life. Any way you slice it you’re spending time jerking off to women that another guy is banging. You’re wasting your seed, time, and masculine energy on pixels, pixels that are fucking with your neurons and desire for real women. Instead of going out and getting a woman you’re short circuiting the process and wiring yourself to desire pixels. Porn shuts down masculine development and retards growth of any form. Getting rid of it is one of the best things that you can do for your life.
Weed
Yeah I know, “It’s not a problem bro” and if you want to live in denial about it fine, that’s on you. I’d also recommend greatly limiting or staying completely away from booze but that’s a topic for another time. Again with weed you’re wasting your time, draining your energy, becoming dumber, and it’s estrogenic. Pretending that weed adds anything to your life just means you’re a delusional and in denial. Nothing more and nothing less. Weed retards the growth of mind, body, and spirit. And not something a man who wants to become all he can be will have anything to do with.
Loser Friends
I have a friend who’s actually a pretty cool guy but he surrounds himself with losers. Hanging around him over time I noticed that even though they weren’t my friends the losers hanging out with him were effecting me. So I only hang out with him when he comes to me and have talked to him about this. My point is that the people you hang around have an effect on you whether you want them to or not. It’s better to be alone than surrounded by losers. They will only drag you down and keep you from becoming all that you can become (and even actively working to make sure you don’t rise above).
Things You Need To Limit
The next section is things that you should limit as much as possible. These are things that have a few redeeming qualities when used right (which I’ll explain) but that overall take away from your life and when used improperly can even be as bad as the things described above. However only in their extreme forms are they as bad as the things listed above. Alright let’s get too them.
Video Games
More often then not video games are a waste of time and a form of unhealthy escapism. Especially for young kids. Now I’m not going to pretend like I’ve never played a video game or there aren’t a select few that I would consider works of art and actually helped me not only with fiction writing but with storytelling in general. I can think of about three or so games that fit this criteria. But overall video games are simply a waste of time and a replacement for real life achievement. If used they should be used sparingly and never in replacement of actual accomplishment.
Social Media
This one effects women more than males but I’ve seen plenty of males become addicted to it. Now I myself have social media profiles that I use to promote my businesses however I can find myself mindless scrolling through my Twitter feed every now and then and have to remind myself to switch it off. Honestly if you’re not using social media to promote a business I’d highly recommend getting rid of your profiles on any social media site. Again a waste of time and fucking with your neurons.
Alcohol & Tobacco
I know all the weed guys are going to freak out because of this and talk about how healthy weed is and all that bullshit but whatever. Yeah alcohol and tobacco aren’t doing anyone any favors but they’re socially acceptable and therefore having a drink at a party or lighting up a cigar with a buddy are very different than hanging around with your stoner friends and lighting up a bowel. However alcohol and tobacco should also be limited and certainly not something that is part of your daily (or even weekly) life. I’ll have some whiskey for special occasions and have a cigar with a friend every now and then but that’s about it.
Things To Spend Your Time Doing
So now that we’ve talked about things to take out of your life and things to limit in your life it’s also important to talk about things to add into your life. Now this list could be endless but I’m going to give you some very basic pointers. Consider this the bare bones basics to help get your life to where you want it. And remember it’s one thing to know something another completely to actually implement it in your life and reap the rewards from it. So let’s get started.
Physical Training
I’m biased to bodybuilding and combat “sports” such as boxing and wrestling but hey even running is better than doing absolutely nothing. The human body was made for movement and to express itself physically. When this doesn’t happen bad things start to happen and not just physically but also mentally and spiritually. So whether it’s hitting the gym to pump some iron, doing manual labor every day, joining the local boxing gym, or going on a hike every day I don’t really care at this point. Just get your body moving and give it the right food to fuel that movement.
Read Non-Fiction Books
You have to expand your mind. Most people don’t read another book after high school (or maybe it was college) which is ridiculous and explains a whole hell of a lot. Look there are people out there who have gone through what you’re going through and have some of the answers that can put you head and shoulders above the competition. There are many different books out there start with whatever area in your life you are struggling most with and then go from there. The recommend books section of this site can give you some guidance as to where to start and then of course my books as well.
Develop Brotherhood
Man is a tribal creature and when he is out of his tribe he’ll always feel a bit “off”. This isn’t to say you can’t take time to travel or be alone but that you do so knowing you have a tribe, brotherhood, or family to come back to. Find like minded guys that you can grow with or that can mentor you. Of all the steps here this may be the hardest but is also the most essential. The good news is that the more you focus on yourself and your self-development the easier it’ll be to find good brothers (not to mention do everything else as well).
Focusing On Yourself & Your Own Development As A Man Makes Everything Else Easier
And I do mean everything. Which is why your own development should be your first and foremost focus. Not saying that you can’t have other things in your life of course but your number one overall priority should be your own development and becoming the strongest man that you can be. Focus on this and so much else in life starts to fall into place. So start with this list and get yourself a copy of The Primer and then go from there. It’s not just knowing these things but implementing them that makes all of the difference and is where the magic happens. Especially when you’ve been implementing them over time.
If you have any questions you would like to see answered in a future post send them to me at charlessledge001 (at) gmail (dot) com. If you found value in this post then I would encourage you to share this site with someone who may need it as well as check out my books here. I appreciate it.
-Charles Sledge
