One big issue that we have in society is a lack of ways for males to prove themselves, leading to all sorts of trouble. There are far far too many who “have something to prove” and feel divorced from their masculinity and sense of strength, leading to all sorts of trouble. And while there are a million and one ways to hack at the “branch” problems that come from this I feel that it is much better to focus on the “root” problems. Because when you hack at branch problems another one just pops up a short time later because the root problem isn’t addressed. But address the root problem and the numerous branch problems take care of themselves.
Sort of like when someone doesn’t have confidence in themselves there are all sorts of band aid solutions like affirmations and the mindset guru junk but they’d be much better served by taking actions that would make them more confident like taking up fighting. One is a band aid solution the other address the root cause of the problem. But back to what we were talking about. I first noticed this problem when teaching middle school but it’s something I’ve always been at least somewhat aware of, even if just on a visceral level.
Wounded Wolves Striking
And unfortunately it’s something that many guys never grow out of or if they do they grow out of it for the wrong reasons. One thing I liked about teaching middle school was how it was a pretty good look at raw human nature. Though we like to think otherwise adults still have all those same feelings as middle school kids they’ve just learned to repress them or hold them back (or in a few cases channel them appropriately). You see teachers that never addressed issues that probably came up in high school (weakness being a prime one) getting attacked (not physically necessarily but that does happen) by these kids who sense their weakness and pounce.
This jars a lot of teachers who thought that after high school they were no longer being judged (side note: you’re never not being judged). Which often caused the teachers to react as if they too were in middle school (scratch the man and you see the ape). Then you had this teacher reacting emotionally to kids that were acting emotionally. It reminded me of two wounded wolves striking at each other. I’m using middle school as an example but this happens everywhere.
Even guys that you thought would know better like veterans I saw doing this. Don’t get me wrong I certainly got annoyed with some kids (they’re middle schoolers after all) at some times but it never really got to me. After all I have a sense of myself and nothing to prove which has translated well to every facet of my life, this again just being example I had been thinking about. I noticed that most these kids aren’t going to change as adults other than hiding and repressing a little bit here and there most likely for employment in the corporate machine.
To Prove Onself
Something that I am in huge favor of (but that will never happen) is martial arts as a core curriculum in schools for boys. Where they have to fight and compete with each other. I don’t care if it’s boxing, wrestling (might be hard because schools already have teams), BJJ, MMA, or whatever. Just get the kids fighting and proving their worth. It’ll humble the bullies, strengthen the weak, and make the leaders even greater leaders. It’ll allow these kids to actually develop into adults instead of just becoming kids with mortgages.
I can’t begin to list how many problems this would solve. And while this is something that’ll likely never be implemented nation wide there are many lessons for you. There is a lot of talk about how their is a lack of rite of passages for males in our society, sure there are meaningless things like going to college, a ceremony, or things of that nature but they don’t count. They don’t prove anything.
In order to become a man a boy must suffer pain and walk through the fire coming out the other side. I think fighting is a perfect way to do this. Sorry but tagging a deer while sitting on your ass in a tree stand just doesn’t count (though there is something to be said for the killing). Leaving fighting as one of the only viable options in our neutered society. Some guys are just going to have tough lives where they have to prove themselves but for the many that don’t they’ll need something else.
True Masculine Confidence
Guys who have proven themselves have a deep sense of confidence and a strong sense of self. This helps them with everything from attracting women to getting a job and more. It’s hard to describe but it’s something you’ll recognize right away. Sort of like guys who are tough. I remember a buddy telling me about meeting some guys from Blackwater once and there was just something about them that made you think “Yeah not fucking with them”. It’s a similar thing with proving oneself. And trail by combat is about the only way left to most Western youth (military service comes close depending on the branch and what you do, sorry but going into the Air Force to sit in an air conditioned room doesn’t). Again become a man in the full and everything else falls into place.
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-Charles Sledge
