This is a great article from Jak of The Gentleman Jak.com where he writes about masculinity, martial, arts, and more. This is the third guest post from Jak and my favorite. Jak provides some great guidelines to help sort through women to find one that would make a good wife. Something sorely lacking in this side of the internet. Enjoy!
The Manosphere/Red-Pill Community lately has become incredibly divided over its stance on marriage with both sides offering valid arguments as to why a man should and should not get married in today’s society. Opponents of marriage, typically the MGTOWs, claim that marriage in modern society is a con against men with the legal system stacked against them and in favor of women. They often claim only a fool would get married as a woman can simply pack up and leave with his kids and half his money for no other reason than the fact that she’s not happy.
Proponents of marriage, myself included, understand the risks but also have a desire to sire offspring and build a legacy that will last for generations. Many on the pro-marriage side believe the MGTOW movement is a genetic dead-end and in order to fix the future, we must raise the next generation with traditional values.
Rather than debate in-depth about who’s right or wrong, I am going to write directly to the men interested in forming their own family by laying out a few key traits you should look for in a woman before deciding to put a ring on her finger or committing to any form of long term relationship. Following these simple guidelines will save you on both headaches and heartaches should you decide that you do in fact want to get married.
This article revolves around finding a woman who shares key similarities with you. This is an easy checklist that you should be able to go through within a few months of dating a woman if not sooner, but will require some deep introspection before putting it into practice. Be thorough and be specific about what you’re looking for in a woman and don’t allow your infatuation to blind you to any red flags that will burn you down the road.
Similarity #1: Sexual Market Value (SMV)
Yes, I know…
It’s politically incorrect to require a woman to be physically attractive in today’s day and age, but sorry folks, biology trumps hurt feelings every time.
Men are visual creatures and for a good reason. We are wired to find a woman who will birth healthy babies. This typically means a woman who is both young (typically early to mid twenties) and in good shape. She doesn’t have to be a gym rat, but her stomach shouldn’t be sticking out past her breasts either. On the flip side, men, you should be taking care of yourself as well. Just like you don’t want to wake up next to a fugly every morning, your wife doesn’t want to either.
Eat right, exercise, and dress well. Just because you’re married, it doesn’t mean you can let off the gas and cruise. If you are both 7’s when you marry, you should both strive to remain 7’s or above. This should be both your expectation for yourself as well as for your wife. If a girl doesn’t take care of herself now, she definitely won’t when she gets married. Find someone who takes pride in their appearance, but isn’t a vain Instagram whore.
Similarity #2: Familial Goals
Do you want to have kids, but the girl you’re dating doesn’t?
Does she like going out and spending money while putting none into savings?
Do you want a rural homestead and she wants an apartment in the city?
While God does laugh at the plans of men, it’s still prudent to have a good idea of where you want to go in life and a wife that’s onboard. If she’s pulling in the opposite direction, then you’re long-term goals will go down the proverbial crapper. Finding out what a woman’s family goals are may require a bit of detective work. Some women don’t open up immediately or completely (I’d argue none do) so you may need to ask them same questions over the course of time and in different ways to see if she provides the same answer each time or if it changes. This shouldn’t be an interrogation, but rather a natural discussion of what you want out of life, though you may have to ask point blank if she keeps giving you the runaround on an issue that might be a deal breaker.
Like everything else is marriage, there will be some give and take. You will need to decide what goals are deal breakers and which aren’t. Is it really worth giving up a woman if your only point of contention is that she wants to homeschool and you want to send your kids to private school? Probably not. There are times to be flexible as well as times to stand firm.
Similarity #3: Values/Morals
Are you a Christian and the girl you’re courting is a militant atheist? If so, chances are things aren’t going to work out in the long term.
Same principle most likely applies if you’re a MAGA man and she’s an ardent Hillary supporting feminist.
This is where you really got to push the fuzzy, lovesick emotions to the side and take a critical look at the woman you may potentially marry. Do you want this woman to raise your kids? What kinds of values is she going to instill in them?
If you shudder at the thought of this woman having any sort of influence on your future children, you know what you need to do. The process for determining your woman’s values is similar to finding out their family goals; investigation and observation. Over the course of several conversations and dates, you should be able to develop a good idea of her moral framework. If still in doubt, there are a few ways to probe deeper without coming across as an asshole.
- Ask to meet her parents. This not only shows you whether her parents are still married, but also gives you an idea of the type of environment she grew up in.
- If religious, ask to visit her church. Again, this will show you the type of people who help form her belief structure. It used to be that a woman who regularly attended church was a fairly safe bet and marriage material, but with the rise of politically-driven pastors, this isn’t the case anymore.
- Find out about her friends and pastimes. Does she go to the clubs on girl’s night out? Do her friends always talk about how trashed they got at college parties? These should be some serious red flags.
Conclusion
With the sexual revolution and a legal system favoring women, marriage can indeed be a risky endeavor, but with a solid approach to screening a potential wife, you should be able to minimize those risks. You can further improve your odds of having a healthy and happy marriage by not resting on your laurels and continuing to grow as a man.
Don’t develop a dad bod.
Constantly game your wife.
Maintain frame.
Be the leader and set the course for your family.
When you become a husband and father, you are shouldering a large yoke of responsibility on top of your current obligations, but as a father of three beautiful children, I can assure you the reward of seeing your progeny grow into their own is well worth it.
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