This is a guest post by Jared Trueheart of Legends Of Men a site dedicated to masculine development and masculine literature throughout the ages, as well as offers some enlightening critiques of the red pill. Jared is author of multiple books including The Red Pill Ideology as well as Making Manhood In Modern America. In this post Jared talks about the difference between being a bachelor and being a man.
It may seem like a silly question at first, but there’s an impact on living that comes when differentiating the two. Bachelors are men, of course, but men are not bachelors. The difference is that bachelors are a certain type of man; a type that is inferior. Here’s how the two contrast and why you should strive to be a man and not a bachelor.
Bachelors
Bachelors are usually thought of as single men who date around. In times past, a man could not be a bachelor for long. He would be socially ostracized. People would look at him like he was a freak or weirdo. Why couldn’t he find a wife? What was wrong with him? Times have changed and men can be bachelors their whole lives now. Some men will even praise these bachelors.
Choosing to be a bachelor also comes with certain mindsets. The first is personal responsibility and only personal responsibility. In other words, bachelors are necessarily selfish. They do not accept responsibility for others and some don’t even accept responsibility for themselves. This is not the way of men, who are compelled to protect and provide for others. The most common form of masculine responsibility is as the head of a family. Men without families can still be responsible for others though. Warriors are responsible for protecting their people, even if they don’t have a wife or children yet. Bachelors choose to avoid responsibilities and this is especially childish.
Bachelors are consumers more than producers. Think back to the best glorification of bachelors in the last 100 years: Hugh Hefner. When he made Playboy magazine he made it for bachelors. It was all about what to buy to give the appearance of a sleek, attractive, successful, cosmopolitan man. It was about capitalist consumption. What clothes to buy, what cologne to buy, what stereo system to buy, what furniture to buy. If you wanted to live surrounded by Playboy bunnies like Hef, you had to spend like Hef. Bachelors still do this. Some have even replaced the sleek apartment furnishings of a cosmopolitan condo with the upscale hotel rooms of a digital nomad. The point is that their actions are propelled by what they can display because those displays will get them more sex.
Perhaps most importantly, is the importance of sex bachelors place in their lives. In an odd way though, sex isn’t their goal. They need the ego validation that comes from sleeping with a new woman. Their actions and decisions are determined by the amount of sex that will result. This is an empty way to live and bachelors are fortunate to realize this sooner than later. At the risk of getting too spiritual, a man finds meaning beyond the ego and beyond simple pleasures. Bachelors simply aren’t there.
Men
By contrast, men are defined by their responsibilities. It isn’t sexy to say that a man needs family, friends, or a tribe to define him but in many ways this is true. Men need to put their strength and courage to action in meaningful ways, and nothing is more meaningful than the betterment of your family or people.
This is also why men produce more than they consume. With that excess, men feed their families and give to their friends. While bachelors seek to take from the world and to take from others (usually this means taking sex from women), men seek to give. They make, build, accomplish and achieve. Then they give freely to those they love best and move on to the next accomplishment.
What may surprise bachelors most is that men have more and better sex than bachelors. This is because a man’s ego is not tied to his ability to get laid. A man in a happy marriage can have sex almost whenever he wants. There’s no anticipation unless he wants there to be. There’s no chase unless he wants there to be. Even unmarried men get more and better sex. A man with a girlfriend gets many of the same sexual benefits. Sex isn’t on a man’s mind and it’s not his motivation. That’s precisely why he gets more and better sex.
Perhaps best of all though, men carry with them a calmness and confidence that only comes from being able to produce for others. There is a sort of spiritual fulfillment that comes with being able to confidently provide for a family. Being able to protect yourself feels good. Being able to protect others is great. What you do is more important when others rely on you. Bachelors see this responsibility as a burden. Men see it as a blessing in disguise.
So are you a man or a bachelor? Do you want your actions to have weight? Do you want your life to have meaning? Do you want to feel genuinely confident? Do you want to make sex a part of life rather than the goal of life? Being a man, and not a bachelor, solves these problems and so many more.
Find more by Jared Trueheart at LegendsOfMen.com.
