Dealing with doubt, whether from others or from yourself is a large part of life and something you have to learn to deal with effectively. Doubt can cripple to most able of people and cause untold good and progress to go unused. Even when you have overcome self-doubt sometimes it can be hard to overcome the doubt that others have in you (which is a reflection of the doubt that they have in themselves.)
Learning how to overcome doubters and haters is a much needed life skill for anyone who is going to be anything other than a loser who does nothing in their life. And if you’re reading this article and on this site then I already know that that isn’t you. But before we get into the practical I think its best to get a grasp of the theoretical as to why most people are doubters and why this can effect you.
Why Most People Are Doubters
If you try to do anything worthwhile in life most people are going to do nothing but doubt and hate on you. They’ll say it’ll never work, they’ll say you’re stupid or out of your league. They’ll say that it can’t be done. Some will offer up “logical” reasons for this while others will just hate and doubt regardless of anything. Simply because it’s who they are. Even people who love you and mean well will do this.
They do this because it is human nature to do so. People fear others accomplishing things because of how it will make them feel or look. For example say you wanted to start a business of your own and your brother cautions you against it strongly, talking about how he tried to start his own business and failed. Now your brother may truly believe that starting a business is not in your best interest but on a deeper level a big reason he doesn’t want you to is because if you succeed then you’ll make him look and feel inadequate.
Which the human creature cannot stand. So it’s better to snuff your fire out early before it can grow into anything that could be a threat. This isn’t something that is always consciously done and it’s not something that’s always done with bad intentions but the results are the same. The doubt takes root and chokes out anything else like a weed. Then success goes unrealized and potential goes unfulfilled but the egos of those around you are allowed to go unharmed.
The Bucket Of Crabs
Humanity has been rightly likened to a bucket of crabs. If you haven’t heard this analogy let me explain it to you real quick. Fishermen collecting crabs don’t need a lid on the bucket once they have more than two crabs in there. The reason being whenever one crab rises to get out of the bucket and escape becoming someone’s lunch the other crabs will pull him back down keeping him ensnared as well as any lid ever could.
The vast majority of people work exactly the same way. As soon as you start going anywhere or starting to do anything they’ll all attack you for fear of protecting their ego. They fear you may actually succeed and then they won’t feel as good about where they’re at. Maybe they’ll feel lazy or inadequate. So your aspirations must be dashed before such a thing can happen. It might be something like a “friend” hating on you when you talk to a girl at a club trying to make you look bad. It could be a team mate saying you’ll never be able to accomplish X. And so on and so forth.
People do this as a self-protection method for their fragile egos and it applies to both men and women (anyone who has their head out of their ass knows women’s egos are just as big and fragile, if not more so, than men’s). It is those who don’t listen to the doubters and naysayers who end up accomplishing great things and live the life that they want to live. But this requires strength and wisdom. Strength to stand up to the doubters and the wisdom to realize the lies that they speak.
The Exceptions
What I recommend doing is taking counsel of very few people, meaning have very few people that you listen to. When someone says you can’t do X or Y simply shrug it off and has as few doubters in your life as possible. This will likely mean getting rid of some friends and acquaintances but it is what is best for you in the long run. This is something that everyone can benefit from. It’s better to fly solo then be in bad company but since humans are such social creatures this can be hard.
And is why good friends and family are so important. But back to the exceptions that I was talking about. Remember most people are doubters trying to protect their ego and should not be listened to but there are the few wise out there that you should listen to and sorting them out is important. For example say you have a fight coming up and you have a “friend” who says you’re not ready and will probably get killed (because that is what would happen if he tried it) but your coach tells you you’re spot on and you trust him. Then you know to trust your coach.
Likewise if you coach says you’re not ready and you trust his experience and his character (two things not all coaches have putting it lightly) then you know “Hey, I’m probably not ready and need to see why my coach thinks so, so I can work on those things to become ready.” or something like that.
Let Doubters Doubt
That’s what they do, same with haters. Ignore them and get them out of your life if you can. Remember there are few that are to actually be listened to and that even then they can be in error as we are all human. You have to learn to trust in yourself and your own judgement even if you have made bad decisions and mistakes before (as we all have). Don’t let doubters keep you from living up to your potential and accomplishing your dreams.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
