One often repeated “be more attractive to women” advice that I hear repeated often is some variation of “play hard to get”/ignore the girl and you’ll get the girl. And while I understand where this comes from and why people have some “success” with it from where they were I think that ultimately this is shooting many guys in the foot and causing all sorts of problems that don’t have to be there.
So let’s talk about when this advice works first and foremost. So this advice (like most) is actually good intentioned and tends to work well for the average guy for a couple of reasons. First off the average guy is often very needy and reeks of desperation (even if he is neither). Second he often “pedestalizes” women and pussy and has been trained that it is “above” him, if that makes sense. Obviously this doesn’t create for a very healthy guy on an attraction (or any other level).
So the advice goes, stop chasing after her like a lost puppy and ignore her. And well this is “good” advice as, yes absolutely, ignoring her is better than following her around like a lost puppy. No doubts there. So the nice average guy tries this and lo and behold women/the woman takes notice of it. After all if someone was following you around like a puppy showering you with attention and validation and suddenly stopped you’d be wondering what happened as well.
There Are Levels To This
So the nice guy applies this no only to the girl he was crushing on but to women in general. And again he experiences more success and attention then he did so before. And so he thinks “Man the more I ignore women and pretend not to care or be interested in them the more they’ll want me.” but this is ultimately a false statement and a common confusion of correlation with causation. So again this advice does “work” for the new nice guy just starting out.
Put another way it works for low value males, which there is nothing wrong with (and like most “get girls” type advice). But once you start developing yourself into a higher and higher value man this advice starts to backfire on you (again a common theme). Obviously if you’re uber rich/jacked/famous/etc. then this doesn’t apply, but I don’t have to tell you that now do I? But like I was saying this advice “works” in the beginning but does not work in the long run, at least not very well. And let me explain why.
Eventually as you become higher and higher value you’ll be much better off showing interest first and making the first move. Instead of a girl thinking “Ugh another creeper hitting on me.” she’ll smile and think “Oh hey that totally hot guy is noticing me.”. However if you go the whole ignore her route then she’ll often not say or do anything for fear of rejection (guys are NOT the only ones with fragile egos or fear rejection, as a matter of fact it’d look even worse for a woman.)
Want To Be Wanted
So by making the first move you’re saying that its safe to the girl and she can reciprocate her interest now without any fear of her ego being bruised or embarrassed. And the higher value guy that you are the more that you’ll have to do this. Plus this shows that you have confidence and are not afraid to express your emotions in a confident and masculine way (which will add to your status building both attraction and comfort, which is great.). Many girls need the safety to not look like a fool.
Especially if you’re the “hot” guy, which if you’re following everything on this site is what many girls will start thinking of you as. It was different when you started out, there ignoring and “playing it cool” worked to your advantage but once you reach a higher level its not going to work as well. Life isn’t a porno if a girl thinks you’re hot she’s not just going to walk up and jump your bones. You’ll have to make the first move and yes build comfort.
In many ways attraction may not be a choice but comfort must be built to get what you want from a relationship (whether that’s a fun enjoyable sexual encounter, a girlfriend, a friend with benefits, or an eventual long term partner, doesn’t matter). Women want to be wanted, especially by a high value guy. If you’re a high value guy who just ignores them then they’re going to think “What’s the point?” and nothing will come of it. You have to show them interest and build comfort.
Errors Holding You Back
In many ways the red pill phenomenon has taken certain errors and replaced them with errors in the opposite direction. Something I intend to write on at another point. For example the manosphere guys who were once “nice guys” who pedestalized women who now hate women and don’t want them in their lives. That’s just not healthy, and weird. You went from one extreme error and now are in the other. Don’t get me wrong I think the red pill was a natural reaction to feminism/modernity but went too far and past the cure.
Sort of like going from being on fire to being drown. Okay yeah you put out the fire but now you have another problem as well. Its good to find a happy healthy balance. Don’t worship women or hate them. Focus on your own life and develop yourself and your masculinity and the other things will take care of themselves. The focus should be moving to a more masculine, more balanced, and healthier whole. But that’s a topic for another time. Until then stop ignoring and start “scoring”!
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
