At some point in our lives we’re going to serve as mentors, guides, and examples for those coming after. It could be in a myriad of different forms but its comes. Even if you plan on never being a father, the thought of organized teaching or coaching sounds ridiculous to you, and you’d rather jump off a tall bridge than sit down and have a “mentoring” session with someone else, doesn’t mean you’ll never be in a place to teach or serve as an example. This is something that goes on just by existing, there are those that look to us for guidance and how to be.
The lack of this is a big reason the world is the way it is today and we have so many problems. Lack of examples and lack of discipline among other things. But even for those that actively want to make a difference they often run into a different type of problem, really the opposite side of those that never want to be a mentor. Whereas those that don’t want to mentor end up doing so anyways, those that try hard to mentor could end up not having an effect at all because of that very desire.
Let me explain. There’s a simple concept that everyone should understand but especially those that want to be mentors. And that’s that people under you care and influence (whether you want them to be on not) follow your example not your words. Another way of putting it people follow your example and not your advice. Sounds simply at first and something that most mentors probably think “Well of course I’m doing that.” but let’s take a closer look at all of this.
Advice, Anonymity, & Distance
There’s a benefit to anonymity or space between people, especially when it comes to giving advice. Well at least in theory. We’ve all seen famous speakers, preachers, and the like who preach one thing but do another. Yet they have great influence because people can’t see the discrepancy between what they say and what they do. If they could then that speaker/preacher wouldn’t have any of the influence that he does. He’d be called a fraud and all but a dedicated few (who have bought too deeply into what he’s selling) would walk away from it and better for it.
Likewise take someone like Pook who wrote the Book of Pook. I have never seen Pook, for all I know Pook could be a single person or a amalgram of different writers all writing under one name. From what I can tell Pook is a relatively successful, most likely middle aged, man living a good life. But like I said I’ve never seen Pook nor do I know him. He could be a fat woman perhaps, though I doubt it. I have been helped tremendously by Pook’s advice and have seen it work in my own life and the real world. So Pook’s anonymity has never been a big deal to me.
However say Pook was a girl or even a man who didn’t have his shit together, I would have never taken his/her advice and been the better for it. So anonymity changes things. Of course I think Pook’s a successful man because of the good advice he gives, I’m just trying to make a point. In your day to day life for those you mentor if there’s any difference between what you say and what you do then it’s going to be noted. When you’re on TV/the podium/the internet things are different. But not for those that actually know you.
Can’t Hear Your Words Over Your Actions
It’s the simple things that make a difference and the simple things that are easy to forget. For example how many parents do you see that say one thing to their but then do another and are shocked when the kid does what the parent does instead of what they say? This happens all the time. Sure when they’re young you can just bring the hammer down on them but this gets fought against more and more and builds resentment when its used to cover for hypocrisy. Actions speak louder than words. Others will follow your lead by your actions not your words.
For example want you kids to read but don’t read yourself? Good luck with that. Want your children to be in shape yet are fat yourself? Again, good luck with that. That’s not to say the apple can’t fall far from the tree but when you’re leading someone the biggest impact that you can have is leading by example. The general that marches with his troops instead of carried around. The coach that can still get himself up out of a chair without a forklift. And so on and so forth. Example means more than words.
Sure you can give advice but if your actions and example are contradicting it then don’t expect it to go far. Likewise you can use your past mistakes as examples, granted that you aren’t still wallowing in those mistakes. I remember a parent mad that her daughter started smoking because she had had cancer from smoking herself, but the thing was she never stopped even after surviving the cancer. She asked how her daughter could do that after what she’d seen it do to her (the mother). Not being my daughter or business I just shrugged.
Words Are Good, But Actions Are Better
You can say whatever you want but if it doesn’t line up with your actions and who you are then it isn’t going to matter. Likewise if you’re not respected you won’t be listened to either. And one of the best ways to be respected is to live what you say. Just don’t forget people don’t care about your advice, they follow your example. So serve as an example of what you want the world to be and who knows, you might make a bigger difference then you ever thought possible.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
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