There is very little “red pill” information out there that is written for a Christian audience or that is pro-marriage (but also smart) and made for men who want to have families one day. I know that there is a growing population of men who aren’t fulfilled by being a “playboy” or whatever is trending on Twitter but want a little bit more from life. Nothing against all that but it is refreshing to read something from a different perspective. Unfortunately I couldn’t find much about Robert Cossins the author he runs the site Made To Lead where he can be contacted to speak at your church it looks like.
However the Book Made To Lead: Finding A Virtuous Wife In Sodom is top notch and a must read for any Christian man or any man who wants to get married. Robert has both eyes wide open about the realities of human nature without also curling up in a ball and declaring it hopeless because of “muh hypergamy/feminism” type stuff. It is not easy finding a wife and Robert does not pretend otherwise. As a side note this book is written explicitly for Christians so if you’re not Christian there will obviously be things that don’t apply to you, but would still recommend it to anyone who wants to find a wife regardless of their religion (or lack of).
Marry Well
One of the most important life decisions that you’ll make (if you choose to make it) is who you end up marrying and frankly 80%+ of women in the modern world are not worth marrying, even for the average guy. It’s a minefield out there and a guy going out without the right knowledge is going to get destroyed. Robert makes this point and point again throughout the book how important this decision is and how you should never compromise with it. You’re better off not getting married then compromising with who you marry. However with all of this being said when you take the right actions and know the right things you can find a great wife.
A great wife who will make a great mother and helpmate, who will add to your life greatly. This first parts of this book go into what marriage is, it’s importance, and the modern threats to it and some things that Christian men (among others) need to be aware of. He covers things like hypergamy, SMV, and such but in a way that’s a refreshing take from the overused aspects of these things. He talks about how hypergamy used to work and how it works now in our modern culture and how this effects you finding a wife.
What To Look For
I wasn’t sure how honest Robert would be considering he’s Christian and might want to be “nice” instead of honest but he didn’t disappoint. One of the key things Robert talks about is the importance of notch count, dedicating an entire chapter to it. Your best bet is to marry a virgin plain and simple. A girl with multiple notch counts has made herself all but useless to be a wife (though would make a fine whore but will never be honest enough to do so). He also lays out some great indicators that will help you tell if she’s a girl with a likely high notch count. For example does she get drunk? Was she in a sorority? And so on and so forth.
Some other factors Robert talks about are age (also discussed in attracting a good wife). He also makes a point of looking for submissive feminine women (also talks about how many “Christian” women are essentially feminists and would make horrible marriage partners). Is she sweet? Pretty? Kind? Does religion actually play a real role in her life or is it an accessory/act? And so on and so forth. He also talks about actions speaking louder than words. Picking the right girl is even more important than working on yourself (pick the wrong girl and it doesn’t matter who you are). Making this a critically important part of the book.
Career & Credentials
Thought this chapter would be a nice side note but there were two things he talked about that made it stand out to me. The first was something I’ve seen lots of conservative fathers do that ruins their daughters and that is treating them like sons. This can happen one because the father has no sons or two because the mother attaches herself to the son and “takes him away” while the father then directs his masculine spirit into the daughter. Hence we have feminine boys and masculine girls. A trend I see developing in rural areas as well as the church. Daughters should be raised as daughters and yet another reason to marrying a young girl is to increase your chance of having a son.
Second is the fact that if you do find a virtuous woman who is worthy of marriage you should be thanking her father and mother for being that way and this makes total sense. Robert says “Once you locate a virtuous woman and make her your bride, thank her loving mother and her good father for raising such a woman. You are more indebted to them than anyone on earth beyond your own parents”. Good daughters come from good parenting, especially when they’re young (and why would you marry an old woman?).
Attracting A Quality Girl
It’s not just about identifying the right girl, you have to be the right man yourself. Robert starts out early talking about how as a man you have to be the leader and can’t be timid. See a girl you like then ask her out, don’t be shy or reserved about it. Robert talks about how you need to lead from the very first second that you meet and suggests asking her out by telling her you find her interesting, that you’d like to see her on Friday, and that you’ll pick her up at seven (or whatever). Be straightforward, direct, and as always a man in the full. Robert also talks about never allowing yourself to be controlled by a woman and how its in their natural desire to do so.
However once they do they rapidly lose respect for whatever man was weak enough for them to control. He also devotes a chapter to SMV and describes the role that age plays and how as a man the older you get often the easier it’ll be to attract a young, pretty, and chaste quality woman who will make a great wife and mother. He also talks about how getting in shape, being a leader, raising your social status, preselection, being dominant, and how living a life focused on your mission all increase your SMV and help you attract a good wife.
Made To Lead: Finding A Virtuous Wife In Sodom
Overall a very good read about the basics of picking a girl who will make a good wife as well as becoming the kind of man who such a girl will be thrilled to be with. He also talks about the role character plays in all of this as well (and despite popular belief, including my own for awhile, character does matter to the very small majority of girls who do actually have it). Overall a great book not just for Christians (but Christians should certainly read it) but everyone who is looking to find a virtuous wife in Sodom.
