Let’s say you’ve avoided most of the common mistakes that males in the modern day and age make. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you’re aware of the world around you. You’ve worked hard to create a good life for yourself and for what you have. You’ve overcome many challenges and pains that have forged you into the man that you are today. You look at other males around you and you worry for the future.
Simply put you are by definition a strong man who is doing well. Yet there is a mistake that I see so many men who are doing great and honorable in so many areas of their life miss. A mistake that costs them so much, including power and agency. And it has to do with a misguided ethos that many strong men adopt that really has very little to nothing to do with true masculinity.
For a very long time independence and “the loner” were seen as masculine archetypes, and on one level this makes sense. After all it takes strength to have any sort of independence or to survive one one’s own. And obviously strength is good, however this is also a flawed ideal in many ways. While there is nothing wrong with the symbolic part of this ideal its the real application where things go wrong.
No Man Is An Island
The fact of the matter is “lone wolves” are wolves that are sickly or others don’t want and will soon get picked off and die. The truth of the matter is a man on his own is very vulnerable. For example me and 4 of my buddies could take whoever the reigning UFC heavyweight champ is or a Navy S.E.A.L. if we got the drop of him just because of numbers alone. But its about far more than physical aspects as well.
There are also mental, spiritual, and yes even emotional aspects to this also. A man was not made to be alone and he wasn’t made to have his wife/wives as his only friends either. A man needs both female and male interactions in his life for true health and wellbeing. He needs a peer group of somewhat likeminded men. A tribe to use the common language of today. He needs others that will sharpen him, as iron sharpens iron, and he also needs others who will give him emotional support when that is needed as well.
I see far too many guys whose only close non blood family relationship is with their wives, which just isn’t healthy. Not that being close with one’s wife isn’t healthy but rather if that’s the only close non blood relationship that you have that’s not a good thing. You need other men in your life, you need a peergroup or tribe. Man was not meant for isolation and being alone, that leads to madness (and not the good kind).
Developing A Peer Group
For those looking for guidance on where to start with this I’d recommend hobbies. After all if a guy shares a hobby with you then more likely than not you’ll share similarities of one sort or another. Doesn’t matter what that hobby is. Could be going to the gym, hiking, painting, underwater basket weaving, just whatever. That would be the place I recommend that you start.
The next place would be large social gathering places (which seem to be dwindling somewhat) such as churches or school and of course work. Might not be ideal but it’s a place to start. Something else with this is that as a guy it can probably feel weird asking another guy to do something but it really shouldn’t. Have fun activities you can do with a masculine peer group. Maybe a white water rafting trip, playing paintball, or hunting. Or whatever works for you and your group.
This requires you being social, something too many guys (strong or otherwise) neglect. This doesn’t mean you have to become some ladder climbing woman or “smoozer” or whatever. Just be social and have social events that you’re doing. Don’t be in isolation and don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you. This may be tough to start but it’s so important for your long term well being.
Socialize & Grow
One man never accomplished much on his own without the aid of others, this is just a fact. And while I recommend that you become as strong as possible by yourself at the same time realize that you are just one man and there are things you need others for. Man was not meant to be alone and this applies to more than just having a wife. You need other men in your life as well.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
