Three things will make up the majority of the quality of your life. Those three things are your health, wealth, and relationships. Health encompasses physical health, yes, but also goes beyond that. To spiritual and mental health as well. Wealth can also go into different territories. Monetary wealth being the primary one but also wealth of living good experience and having a fulfilling life.
Same with relationships. You have relationships with the community around you, with friends and family, with coworkers, with acquaintances, with strangers, and of course with women. We’re going to be talking about that final part today, which as you can see makes up a very small percentage of the whole of a man’s life.
So many men struggle with their relations with women and there are a myriad of different reasons for that. It’s be impossible to address all of this in a single post and I’m not going to attempt to do that. Rather I’m going to go into the most common reasons men do not have the relations that they want with women and how this can be remedied.
So let’s dive in.
It Starts With You
In many ways the world is a mirror, reflecting back at you what you project back at it. I said in many ways as there are many times when this doesn’t hold true. However overall you get who you give in most instances. This holds especially true with women. The biggest thing that you can do to improve your dating/mating life is to work on yourself and do what’s needed to get the relationships that you want. Work on yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.
This means working out, eating right, acquiring good habits, making sure your hormonally optimized, working out family issues, mental issues, and the like. Having as healthy a lifestyle as possible. The more you do this the more you’ll attract healthy women, physically, mentally, and otherwise into your life. It starts with you and this holds true with most facets of life.
Not getting the job you want? Not feeling the way you want? Not getting the dates or mates that you want? Remember that it starts with you and whenever you encounter a problem you should look to yourself first before looking to outside forces. Eighty percent of problems stem from ourselves, which is a good thing because we have the power to change ourselves.
So understand that if you’re not getting the relationships with women that you want it likely has to do with you. But what exactly? That doesn’t do you much good to know that with no actionable steps. So let’s dive into some of the biggest reasons men fail to have the success they want in their dating and mating lives.
Hormones & Dichotomy
The better shape you’re in and the more hormonally optimized you are the easier it will be to attract women in general. I’m not saying you can’t attract women being out of shape, your certainly can it’s just so, so, so, so, so much easier when you’re in shape. What do I mean by in shape? Well here’s what I don’t mean.
I don’t mean steroid fueled bodybuilder, poofy disproportional gym bodies aren’t it. Nor do I mean “not fat” you’ll hear a lot of people say that so and so is “in shape” when in reality they’re just not fat. That’s not what I mean either. So what do I mean? Well it’s hard to describe. I’d say athletic but that has a lot of meanings as well. Look at sprinters, gymnasts, wrestlers, and the like to get an idea of what I’m talking about.
Muscular but no poofy disproportional muscles, lean but not just skinny, they have proportional muscular development. Doing a sport with some weight training or doing old school bodybuilding will develop this type of physique. Train more often than not. You don’t have to weigh a lot either. A shredded 170 looks bigger than a muscly but heavier 205.
Hand in hand with this is hormonal optimization. Diet is the biggest part of having a good physique and ironically it also plays a huge part in mental health and hormonal optimization. For hormonal optimization, which gives you a sex drive and is something women can sense instinctually, you need to exercise, spend time in the sun, avoid overstimulating dopamine, and of course get the right micronutrients.
This means eating lots of good nutrient dense foods, especially those with good fats. Eggs, quality milk, red meat, organ meats especially, coconut/coconut oil, butter, ghee, quality yogurt, and the like. Remember it’s not just about calories and it’s not just about macronutrients, micronutrients are the foundation of the pyramid and something it’s important to get right.
And the best way to do that is by eating quality nutrient dense foods.
The Elephant In The Room When It Comes To Not Having The Relations That You Want With Women
Are you watching porn? Just be honest. You don’t have to tell me or anyone else for that matter. But just be honest with yourself. If you made a pact to stop watching porn for a months time would that be hard for you? Think about it, better yet try it. If you don’t think it’s a problem, which not matter it is because it’s not good for you, then trying quitting it for a month and seeing how things go. How hard it is. Try it.
If you having issues with not having the dating or mating life that you want I’d say in ninety percent of cases, porn has something, meaning a lot, to do with it. When it comes to sex drive, relating to women, socializing with them, and actual sex function, porn hampers all of these things, if not destroys them almost completely. Porn is an addiction for most but even as a “habit” it’s still a bad one and something to be cut out of your life.
If you want to have the relations with women that you want. Ultimately it’s up to you. What’s more important. Having the relations with women that you want or holding onto the porn? And don’t think that you can have both, because you can’t. Can you let go of the temporary dopamine boost for real dopamine boosts in the long run?
No matter what you’ll want to cut out porn from your life because it messes with your mind physically. You don’t want any addictions or substances, which includes porn, which gives you dopamine surges without actually accomplishment. I recommend no porn, social media, weed, alcohol, masturbation, or tobacco. That seems extreme to many but I find it’s what works the best. Turns out most religions were just trying to help you become productive as you can be.
Seriously if you’re not having the relations you want with women then get rid of the porn. I’d also recommend abstaining from masturbation, for many reasons, but the number one thing is kicking out the porn. So let’s dive into that a little bit.
How To Kick A Habit Or Addiction That Just Won’t Seem To Leave You Alone
I’m not saying doing the following will kick a hard core crystal meth addiction or anything like that. Rather I’m just saying that this will help with things tremendously. First off do mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation literally does the opposite to your brain and neurons what addiction does to it. Mindfulness meditation is literally anti addiction. Think about that. You don’t have to do it for hours a day either, even 10 or 15 minutes a day is enough to see good effects from it.
There’s no excuse not to do it. Do it before you go to bed at night or do it first thing in the morning once you’ve gotten out of bed. Make the time for it because it’ll help you with so many facets of your life. It “unwires” addiction, it helps with emotional control, it helps reduce stress, it helps with cravings, and so much more. It’ll improve your quality of life tremendously. There’s no reason not to do it.
Another big thing is look at general health. The more healthier you are in general the better off you’ll be at kicking an addiction. What does this mean? This means do things like stay hydrated, exercise, get outdoors, get good sleep, and avoid other things that can lead to addictions. So for example if you’re addicted to say porn then you should be avoiding cigarettes, weed, drugs, alcohol, gambling, and the like. Anything that’s going to overstimulate your dopamine and make the addiction or bad habit you have now worse.
But there’s a huge thing that I want to point out and will write an entire article on sometime soon in the future and that is the role of diet in addiction recovery. Listen to this from an articles titled “Dietary Support For The Alcoholic” by Sally Fallon Morell.
Recently, a number of therapists have looked at nutritional therapy for alcoholism, including Julia Ross, author of The Craving Cure.1 Preliminary studies indicate that a high-protein, high-fat diet, often in conjunction with vitamin or amino acid supplements, gives a success rate of 70-80 percent, compared to about 20 percent for conventional therapy and participation in AA.2
And granted that brain wise all addictions are essentially the same I think it’s easy to see how having a nutrient dense diet can be the thing that finally helps you to overcome your addiction.
Now there’s also family issues, abuse, and a whole host of other things that are way, way, way beyond my paygrade. There’s not a whole of advice that I can give there other than research, there are plenty of books on variety of subjects out there, and of course see a licensed professional. And learn all that you can about these things.
We’ve Covered A Lot Of Ground
We’ve gone from having the relations you want with women to how to cure addictions and we’re approaching roughly 1/5 of some books length. But we’ve covered a lot of important topics that go hand in hand together. Everything we just talked about is related and not just because everything’s related, which it is, but because these things go hand in hand together. Health, mentally, physically, and spiritually is all related.
And the more healthy you are physically, mentally, and spiritually the more likely you’ll have relationships that are healthy and that you want. Everything’s related, don’t forget that. One thing feeds into the next. So if you want to have the relations with women that you desire a couple of places to look.
Get in shape, again across the board physically, mentally, and spiritually. Break free of your addictions, I didn’t mention this before but you may want to brush up on social skills as well. Read a few books on the subject and combine that with a healthy diet for mental health and you’ll be ahead of the majority of people out there in regards to social skills.
And there’s plenty more but what I’ve outlined here is the gist of it. Implement what’s here and then see how things change. It’s a lot of work but all good things are.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
