I’ve often heard that love is the most powerful force in the universe. Granted, this is usually spouted by soulless people who parrot bland platitudes but there is some truth to the statement. This is much power to love. As well as foolishness, greatness, and many other things. However many pursue without understand that there is something more fundamental that must be in place for love, whether of another, a country, an institution, or anything else, to be anything more than a fleeting feeling. Here one second and gone the next. Respect is the foundation for love, as well as for a great many things.
A long time ago I wrote an article titled something along the lines of “never tolerate disrespect” what I was trying to get across with that piece was that respect is something that is very important and something that you need to, well…respect. Not that you have to get offended at every little slight but rather that you should address disrespect, at first in as calm and reasonable a manner as possible. Respect is something we forget about and often don’t think matters in our society.
However no matter what age you live in, society you live in, whether it’s an “honor”, “dignity”, “victimhood” society or whatever other definitions that we come up, respect is still going to matter greatly in your life and what you are able to do with it. So let’s talk about how one goes about becoming respected in a community. I should also note that communities differ, and so will be going for things that apply across the board, though of course there will be specifics I cannot address.
Another thing I want to point out that community means something beyond the dictionary definition of “A group of people living in the same locality and under the same government.” what I mean by community is a united small group. So for example a place of business, a setting such as a high school, a religious place of worship, a gym, and so on and so forth. When we get beyond this localized group we need to move to other methods of gaining respect, though what I lay out here will still serve as a basic foundation.
As You Do…Not As You Say
Words are cheap. On a basic human level we know this. Sometimes we can delude ourselves about this, pretend that a object of affection returns it when they don’t, pretend that a politician will “be different this time”, and so on and so forth. However deep in our heart of hearts we know that words are cheap, almost meaningless, though not entirely. It is actions that “define and delineate a man.” as Thomas Jefferson would say. When you’re looking to earn respect in a given group your actions much match your words. If you get a reputation for having a big mouth but not backing up it won’t be long before respect will be lost for you.
Often when starting in a new group it’s best to keep your mouth shut and put in the work. So for example at a job instead of joining the local “bitching and moaning” crowd, instead set about doing your work and ignoring the whining and complaining, though at times it is wise to sympathize with others. Let them bitch but don’t bitch too much yourself. People will watch your actions and see how you conduct yourself. Do you get swayed easily or do you stand your ground no matter what’s going on around you.
Again your actions will define you. Talking a big game without backing up only “works” for a short period of time but then it backfires and backfires hard. And if you’re looking to stay in a community and build a respected reputation there than obviously this is not something to do. You’ll earn or lose respect by the actions that you take not by the words that you speak. I’m sure you’ve had a boss who was always talking a big game but when it came time to roll up their sleeves and “get in the muck” with you they were nowhere to be seen. And of course no one respected that boss, and without respect there can be no leadership.
But that’s a topic for another time.
Keeping The Earned Respect
Once you’ve built respect understand that it will be tested. That you are going to be “put under the microscope” each and every day. People are going to be watching you and seeing if who they think you are is for real or just something that they’ve fallen for. Earning respect is one thing but keeping it is another. Now how do you keep respect? First and foremost continue as you were before by doing the actions that are respectable in your community, by doing the “grunt work” and not backing down from things. But there will come challenges to that respect. For example I taught for awhile and even when earning the respect of the students there would inevitably comes times when it was tested.
They wanted to see if I was still who I said I was, children will do the same things to their parents. I guess in parlance more familiar you can look at this as sort of “shit tests” which is something women will do with men they want to make sure are still who they think they are. These tests, whatever you want to call them, will inevitably come. And the important thing is not to ignore them and coast on the respect that you already have. A king has to fight everyday to keep the throne, you get what I mean.
Don’t over react to these test either, because that shows weakness. And no one, I repeat no one, respects weakness. Just handle it and show everyone that the respect that you earned is well placed. Also I don’t mean to sound that these tests of respect will always be physical and that you must be tough for them, though toughness is always part of respect, they’ll come in many different forms from many different places and have unique solutions but again the biggest thing is to make sure your actions line up with what is respectable in your community, as hard as they is sometimes.
Respect requires discipline.
Other Things That Help Facilitate
Respect isn’t everything…but it is the foundation. Without respect it’s very hard to have things like love, good will, and all of that. At least for prolonged periods of time. The biggest way to earn respect is essentially to “mean what you say and say what you mean” or put in simpler terms follow up your words with actions. And then also to “put in the work” for whatever your community requires. I should also note you should take chances, take chances to be social and learn about others. Listen to them and what they have to say. Listening and general communication skills are also key to help building and keeping respect.
You must also learn to show respect to others. Miscommunication can led to breaches of respect and lead to problems that never had to develop in the beginning. Doesn’t replace your actions but makes a big difference and can tremendously help how fast you can earn respect in a given place. So lead with your actions and then use superior communication skills to help organize people and help them understand you and what you’re about. Pretty simple stuff and by no means comprehensive on the topic of respect but still a good foundation to start with.
Adopt what you can from this and use it in your own community, and let me know the results.
Best Wishes
-Charles Sledge
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-Charles Sledge
