I don’t really believe much in changing other people. Now that probably sounds weird considering I have a whole dedicated to just that, so I guess I should explain what I mean by this. I’m not saying that people can’t change or that you should never try to argue your point of view or try to show other people “the light” so to speak. Rather I’m saying that overall people will change on their own and that you can’t change them.
The best and just about only thing that you can do is plant seeds that you hope will eventually blossom into truth. This is different with children who are far more susceptible to what they hear and see around them, hence the governments obsession with schooling and one of the biggest reasons things like homeschooling are frowned upon.
But that’s another topic. What I’m saying is that there is a limited amount of effort that I’d ever dedicate to changing someone else and that’s even when using proper persuasion “techniques” meaning going about persuasion the right way, and even then you can only press so far at a time.
Let’s talk more about this.
But I Want To Help/Save X & I Can’t Give Up
I get it. We all have loved ones that are either headed towards something, skirting the edge, or just living in general ignorance. And often, half because we care about them and half because we want to ego boost of being “right”, we want to change their way of thinking. I understand, I’ve been in the exact same situation before. This is especially true if the person is related to you.
So let’s talk about what’s possible and what’s not. People need to see truth on their own. Often this is because of ego, people want to come things on their own or at least feel that they’re coming to them on their own. A strange fluke of human nature, but human nature is what we’re dealing with so we need to understand these things that don’t make much sense at first glance.
This is one of the reasons that you shouldn’t lecture but rather use questions to draw out people’s ways of thinking and lead them to the truth you want them to understand, but a truth that they’ll reach on their own. You don’t attack, you ask guiding questions. They must walk the path themselves but you give a sort of guiding light, making it easier for them so they won’t give up.
But even then if someone is clinging to something there’s really not much you can do about it.
Plant The Seed & Walk Away
Most people have to be burned by life or even crushed by it before they’ll be receptive to the truth at all. With these people there’s not much you can do. You can plant the seed of truth, guide them with questions, just don’t expect them to believe or come around to the truth. But the seed will be there. So that when things do come apart a small part of their brain will remember the truth and maybe, just maybe it’ll save them before they’re completely destroyed.
Or maybe not, but that’s not your problem. Even if it’s your grown child, your father, your sister, your spouse, or anyone else. I know that’s harsh and probably impossible to fully comprehend as a human because of love but it’s still the truth. There’s a limit to what you can do and what you should do. People have to come to things on their own. Instead of shouting at the herd hoping they’ll stop walking off a cliff, you tell them a cliff is there, walk away from it yourself, and hope for the best.
That’s all you can or should do. Persuasion and changing is a 95/5 percent thing. 5 percent the truth bringer or teller and 95 percent the person hearing it. I’ve talked with religious people (religion including things like classical liberalism and political ideologies) who after having their religion pointed out for the farce it is or even how its destroying their world, family, and people will still cling to it simply because of the comfort it brings.
People can learn to love their poison and worship their bonds, they can learn to venerate the whips that beat them and those that spit in their eyes.
Such is human nature.
Most Aren’t Equipped For Truth
That’s just the fact of the matter. All modern cultures have been compromised in some way, shape, or form. All have lies within them and were raised on lies in the modern world. Nurtured by them, born by them, and raised in a vat of them. It takes a unique person to break free of this and its simply something that the average person can’t do. Often you just have to go and start a space where the truth can grow and the young can learn from it. Because saving the old is impossible.
Understand the limits, no matter how much it hurts. Because in saving someone else you can lose yourself, and that’s never worth it.
If you have any questions you would like to see answered in a future post send them to me at charlessledge001 (at) gmail (dot) com. If you found value in this post then I would encourage you to share this site with someone who may need it as well as check out my books here. I appreciate it.
-Charles Sledge
