At least to an extent. This is a nugget of wisdom that I wanted to discuss and the lessons we can learn from it, as well as when it’s true and when it’s not. But before we get into that I wanted to take a quick second and talk about sayings, proverbs, and the like. While there can a great amount of wisdom in them, it only happens when its applied in the right context and here’s the thing about all of that. Many proverbs are old, which there is nothing wrong with, but it often changes the context of things. Likewise proverbs are generally transmitted across wide swaths of people and all we all know people on average aren’t that intelligent.
Therefore we can get misinterpretations, sometimes to the point the thing means the opposite of what it was meant for. Not saying that’s the case with this one in particular but just speaking in general. Meaning, like always, you have to think about things. Think about how they apply, if they’re relevant, and things of that nature. Proverbs can and should be a good source of wisdom but just because they’ve been around awhile or are said by someone famous doesn’t mean they’re true of being applied correctly. Plenty a fool has been deemed wise in the eyes of the public.
But with all of that said let’s get into this saying, what it means, the lessons for your own life, and what you can learn about the world around you from it.
Compensation, Crime, & Masculinity
Most what would be called “toxic masculinity” (i.e. negative manifestations of what people perceive as “masculinity”) actually stems from a lack of actual masculinity. Guys who rob, rape, assault, murder, and the like generally aren’t filled with masculinity. While overall criminals might have more testosterone then your average neutered suburbanite that’s not saying much. Many are lost and lack masculinity which leads to these behaviors. If they actually had masculinity and were secure in that, then they’d often take other routes to getting what they wanted from life.
For example the kid who walks around acting all tough doesn’t do so because he just has so much excess toughness. He’s doing it because he lacks toughness and respect. What does that have to do with the paragraph above? I’ll explain. When many see these negative manifestations of “masculinity” they think the solution is to root out, destroy, and neuter masculinity. Which is actually the reason that you have much of these behaviors in the first place. Because males aren’t taught how to actually be males, and I don’t even mean in the moral sense, just in the normal biological sense. They don’t know how to get their needs met as a man and so resort to other non-masculine behaviors to do so.
The point I’m trying to make is that when we see negative behaviors associated with masculinity it stems from a lack of masculinity. It’s like compensation of sorts. For example while there are certainly masculine criminals a great number are cowards and confused/crazed. Any time around them will tell you this. Likewise look at compensation. When some guy acts whatever Hollywood’s definition of “tough” is, or is loud and obnoxious, or flashes his wealth, or whatever else. He doesn’t do these things because he’s masculine and secure. He does them because he feels the need to compensate for the lack of his masculinity.
Exceptions To The Proverb
Meaning just as the proverb says those who actually have something whether it’s money, respect, toughness, women, or whatever desirable thing a man can think of they very rarely feel the need to show that off. If you have something, you have it and therefore don’t have to pretend that you have it. Likewise when a male lacks these things he generally makes a big deal out of them. If it’s cash then he flashes expensive things, if its women then he makes a big deal out of any interaction he with them, if its toughness then he walks around like he’s Mr. badass and so on and so forth. You get the general idea.
But are there exceptions to this? Of course there are, there are generally exceptions to every proverb and rule out there. For example if someone is promoting a brand or way of life then they may have to act certain ways. For example a musician flashing cash and babes despite having both. It’s to promote that to the “average joe”, sell more records, and have the average joe pursue that lifestyle. Or maybe someone works somewhere. Maybe a bouncer works out to build lots of muscle because despite being strong as an ox and a judo world champ he doesn’t look it and therefore it hurts his job. And so on and so forth.
Probably something you already knew but good to keep in mind. This proverb is a good one to have throughout life and will tell you a lot about people. If they feel the need to flash something then they generally don’t have that thing they’re flashing/focused on. Otherwise why would they feel the need to flash it? Unless of course they’re just that insecure which is a whole other topic. You can sort through a lot of the B.S. this way. For example does your money guru constantly post pictures of him at expensive homes with rented luxury cars and such? Would a guy with real cash and business acumen do it? Granted maybe he’s trying to sell a lifestyle but still, is that the person you should be getting that kind of advice from?
Applying The Proverb To Yourself
Is there anything that you try to show off? Is it because you don’t have that thing? And if so, are you doing anything to get that thing? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying never show off, never flex, or anything like that. What I’m getting at is there anything you compensate for? Be honest with yourself and if so work to address it. So many of us, me included, will spend years bandaging something in our lives instead of fixing the damn thing. Don’t put it off, if there is a weak point then start addressing it today. Time doesn’t stop and neither should you or your development.
Always work and always strive for more. Strive every day to learn new things and take more actions towards your goals and ideal life. Speaking of which if you don’t have goals then get some right away. You always need to have a mission you’re working towards. Doing so will cause you to grow and develop without you even knowing it. So use this proverb to help understand others, to help separate the wheat from the chaff, and to help yourself grow to new levels.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
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