A long time ago we talked about the power of the word “no” and how learning how and when to say “no” can be one of the most “empowering” things that you could do. Not enough men say no, they let their time, standards, and a whole lot of others things get trampled over because of their refusal to say no. When you don’t say no you get trampled on and somewhere deep inside resentment builds.
But when you learn to say no and “stick to your guns” things start to change. The resentment starts to clear up and though people may be disappointed, at least initially, you’re a hell lot better off for it. You have to learn to say no in life. You have to stand for something and not let yourself be pushed around when someone or thing comes up against those standards.
Part of this is for general success in life, part of it for self-esteem, and part of it to keep yourself from being manipulated, walked over, and used. Going hand in hand with that let’s talk a little about manipulation and the many and varied ways in which people do it. People will try to manipulate and use you if you don’t say no, but there are some other similar ways that people will do this as well.
Which we’re about to cover.
The Tyranny Of Caring
While I don’t think this affects guys as much as girls it can still have an impact. In today’s world there are so many things that we’re supposed to care about so many morality systems pulling us this way and that telling us to care about X, Y, Z, and a whole lot more. And if we don’t get caught up in caring about the myriad of different things we can feel that we’re “bad” or that we’ll be seen as “bad” socially. And even if we don’t care we generally all work jobs where we have to keep up appearances to one extent of another.
Caring can be a form of manipulation. Politically, socially, morally, and so on and so forth. Because of this people end up ragged and tired from all of the “caring” that they have to do. Because here’s the things a human’s capacity for caring is actually pretty low and very specific. We care about ourselves and things that affect us and that’s about it. And yes that’s everyone.
We care about of family and friends because they change or deaths affect us. We care about our country, religion, and tribe because our fate is somewhat tied to that of those collectives and so on and so forth. Let me tell you something right now all those rich yuppies that prattle on endlessly about the underprivileged and so on and so forth don’t give a rat’s ass about them. It’s a status game between them, a competition for people with too much money and too little children of their own to care about.
Sure it might be nice if a starving kid gets some food or water or whatever but they don’t actually care about that stuff, at least not in a visceral sense. Like I said we as humans can essentially only care about ourselves and things tangential to ourselves. Anything else and it’s a “nice gesture”, but we don’t care, not at a deep level.
The Powerful Phrase
Because of this one of the most powerful things that you can say and mean with your own life is “I don’t care.” and frankly unless something affects you personally, why the hell would you care? At first it may seem cold hearted but its one of the best things that you can do. Care about things that affect you and don’t give a damn about the rest. Don’t worry about the fate of humanity, humanity’s screwed, always has been and always will be. Not something to get worked up about.
There will always be wars, famine, and misfortune in this world. You’re wringing your hands together or feeling bad isn’t going to change that. It’s much better to be honest with yourself and say “I don’t care.” and then don’t, go about your life. For example I care more about if I have a hangnail or not than if an entire country is burning. Now that may seem awful and that I’m an awful person but I’m actual just an honest one. I don’t care, it doesn’t affect me.
Millions of deaths might not affect me but a hangnail on my own finger would. Sounds horrible but its the truth. I’m not saying to not have any care for them, though most people “say a prayer” or “think towards them” the whole “thoughts and prayers” thing but to me that’s just patronizing. I mean it sucks yeah, but life one earth does that.
Not Caring Leads To Freedom
Or at least not being forced into caring. Of course we have cares and we can want the best for everyone but at the same time we have to wear ourselves out from caring or let ourselves be manipulated by care. This works on many different levels. It might be your kids manipulating you, a parent, a coworker, a political organization, a charity, or whoever else. Someone you might feel wrong saying “no” or “I don’t care too”, but you rob yourself of your power when you do that.
So don’t be afraid to say “I don’t care.” and mean it. It’s an honest and freeing thing.
