Have another great guest post from Daniel F. Mason today. Daniel is a reader who recently published a guest post about Lewis Medlock from Deliverance. Today he talks about the importance of “bromance” or male relationships. Enjoy.
Back in 1991, an over-the-top, testosterone injected ( yes! ) surf/robbery/thriller hit the multiplexes, “Point Break”. Starring the late/great Patrick Swayze as Bodhi, a zen/surfer/bank robber and Keanu Reeves as Rose Bowl winning QB/ lawyer/FBI agent, Johnny Utah. Directed deftly, gorgeously and ironically by a woman, Kathryn Bigelow, the film strongly resonated with young men of that era and who now in middle age – a fondness.
As I was recently viewing “Break” and the attraction that Bodhi ( free-spirited adrenaline rush ) and Utah ( academic regimented ambition) fed from each other. It occurred to me now ( currently middle-aged, single and alone ), how necessary male bonding as a rite of passage to manhood truly is. The male friends we had/have along our development and life stations, just as or perhaps even more important than the spousal partners we settled down with. The ‘bromances’, if you will.
Origin And Real Need
Bromance ( according to Wikipedia ), was coined in the early-90’s by Dave Carnie of skateboard magazine ‘Big Brother’, combining ‘bro’ and romance, to describe 2 inseparable skateboarders. Basically, a close nonsexual relationship between 2 dudes. It’s tossed around rather jokingly in the media as yet another poke at males in the 21st century west. The last 20 years have seen entertainment platforms have a field day of portraying men as doofus, one-track ( re: oversexed ), incompetents whose sole worth is to finish honey-do projects. Whilst the wife eyes up the next-door boy-toy! But that’s men’s fault for going along with the laugh-track for too long! An issue for another time as Charles Sledge would say! Most real women ( spouses ) are respectful and appreciative of their husbands and I think would agree that her man needs to get out of their hair now and then, after the chores get done of course ( “can’t you get a hold of one of your boyfriend’s today!?” ) and hang with the guys.
Sadly, a majority of middle age men have let their bromances dither away. Some friends we simply veer away from while others we’ve allowed to trickle down – like the last drops from a testosterone i.v. bag! This vital elixir of male rejuvenation is something that cannot be procured by their wives. Men have put too much pressure on their spouses by looking to her to be the sole emotional outlet for themselves. Quietly, a lot of women resent this! Hey, unisex failed – both sexes weren”t any happier for the lot of it! But in defense of men – age, work, spouse, kids, homes, chew up our blocks of time – I get it! Still, one must strive to pencil in some getaway time with our tribe, kinship, the boys!
The Four Bodies Of Man And Where Bros Come In
According to author/ intuitive/medium Jill Williard, posted on goop.com, our bodies are made up of 4 parts: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. A well balanced person has 25% delineation for each. I believe bromance with a good friend(s) can enhance a man who’s striving
to become all he can, perhaps a man’s-man, should he want! Along with some information culled from Psychology Today let’s discuss these parts:
Physically, being with a bro brings an oxytocin release, reducing cortisol, promotes healing. Shooting some hoops or golf with a bud, hitting the weights can challenge our masculine competitiveness ( the inner caveman! ). Exercise can get us in tune with our bodies, keeping us at an equilibrium.
Emotionally, true bros will have a giving, honest and non-judgmental interaction which causes chemical and hormonal balance, reduces bloating, irritability. Plus, he’s gonna tell it to ya straight ( whatever it is ), which is a huge help. Where as a woman/spouse more than likely is going to give you hints, because it’s in their nature to have you figure it out for yourself ( not their job to teach you to be a man! ).
Mentally, you can feel free to exchange ideas with a bro, maybe as a mentoring relationship to resolve any confusion or aimlessness you may be having, that could drag your energy down into lethargy. Giving you an intellectual and analytical ( how guys think ) focus, becoming more proactive and communicative.
Spiritually, just as important, your bromance can bring you into brotherhood, a community of diverse, striving males to bond with, promote calmness and creativity. Interaction can show you that you’re not isolated and we’re all in this thing, together!
Trust Your Gut
A final caveat. Guys, be aware of being so caught up in the charisma of a bro, who’ll take you down the road to hell. Johnny Utah got so bowled-over by the aura of Bodhi that his very integrity turned to chagrin – becoming a participant in a bank robbery ( to save his kidnapped girlfriend, of course! ). No bro is worth doing time for! Ultimately, Utah regained his virtue, tracked Bodhi down to Australia the following year, cuffed him – but in an altruistic moment, set him free to ride a ‘50 year storm’ tidal wave – essentially a suicide! Then tossed his badge into the ocean. His growth to self manhood mission – complete! A “transcendence” as Bigelow mentioned – as to what part of the film was about.
