Males do not become men simply through the process of aging. Becoming a man is something that one must earn, often something that one must be initiated into, often after passing many trials. Just because we have moved away from this understanding of life does not make it any less so.
We could say that the tides do not follow the moon and cease to believe so but that does not make it any less so. There are millions if not billions of people out there who are living lives of unneeded misery simply because they refuse to accept reality as it is and instead keep trying to force reality to something that it is not.
This gets them nowhere but constantly spinning their wheels and sinking deeper and deeper into the ruts. But back to my main point. Whatever we are looking to accomplish in life. Whether that is wed a worthy woman, bed many women, establish a small business that’ll support a healthy lifestyle, become the next CEO of a big company, accomplish a grand athletic endeavor, change a community for the better, be a good father, and a million other things.
To do this we have to become “men of value”.
But what exactly does that mean and how exactly does one go about becoming a “man of value”.
How To Become A Man Of Value
I’m going to lay out the tools here for you but it is up to you to take the steps to become this thing each and every day. First off what separates a boy from a man? We talked about proving oneself but what exactly does that mean? Does it mean killing your first deer and taking a bite out of its heart? Does it mean facing a peer in hand to hand combat? Does it mean surviving in the woods for a week with nothing but a pocket knife and a shoe lace?
It can mean all of those things or none of those things. The biggest thing that separates man from boys is withstanding suffering without folding. There are many other measures such as wisdom, strength, courage, character, and a whole lot more but that basis is suffering. Suffering, well the right kind of suffering, ennobles the soul and builds masculinity.
So what does this mean? That to ensure you’re a man to go out and burn yourself with a match until manhood ensues? Not quite. There are different kinds of suffering, just like there’s destress and eustress, one which is good and another ‘bad’. There is good suffering and bad suffering.
Bad suffering is undeserved suffering that often destroys people. Childhood abuse, natural disasters, loss of loved ones, ravages of war. Obviously many people have bore up under such suffering and created beauty with it, whether in the world or in themselves. However this suffering should never be self-inflicted.
When I talk about good suffering I mean things that push you out of your comfort zone, make you feel discomfort, and make you…suffer. Things like sticking to your workout plan and pushing yourself in an athletic endeavor. Eating that liver and eggs instead of cake and cookies. Reading a book every night instead of watching TV. And so on and so forth.
Little choices day by day that build upon themselves. Good suffering is seeking challenge and trying to overcome it. You should feel nervous and when you stop feeling nervous seek something else out. I used to get nervous speaking in front of crowds so developed that until it not longer phased me. Ironically did the same with taking dance classes and stepping into the boxing ring.
You grow through suffering and discomfort, and it is these things that take one from boyhood to manhood. When suffering becomes a habit.
Going From Man To Man Of Value
But we’re talking about more than just being a man here, we’re talking about being a man of value. And how does one accomplish that? Let’s say that you’ve established a baseline of good suffering and are on your way to manhood or walking down the path. What comes next? How do you become a man of value? Again it boils down to a pretty simple thing. You need to invest in yourself.
Now what does that mean? To invest in yourself? Does it mean spend money on yourself? Get yourself stock options, what that means? Not necessarily. To invest in yourself means to spend time, money, and your other resources on yourself in ways that make you grow and develop skills. In many ways it goes hand and hand with good suffering. Look for things that’ll help you develop.
An easy way is to look for books, courses, programs, schooling or the like that’ll help you get to where you want to go. Then go and do it. Sounds simple, and it is, but most males do not do this. Go and buy a book on a subject you want to learn, go take a lesson from a coach you normally wouldn’t, take a class that you think would be neat, invest in yourself.
Learn, grow, become more.
Through suffering and investing, two things that go hand in hand.
Don’t be afraid to spend money or time on yourself. You have to be “selfish” in a way. Not a jerk or an ass, the opposite really. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. So really it’s not selfishness though many manipulative or confused people will call it such. Invest in yourself first and then you can help others.
It doesn’t work the other way around.
I want to return to this topic sometime soon and if you have specific questions then be sure to shoot me an email at charlessledge001 (at) gmail (dot) com. I also offer coaching if you want a step by step guide to how to become a man of value and help with going through the process.
Thanks for reading as always.
Sincerly,
-Charles Sledge
