Influence, along with sales and politicking, is one of the most important skills that you can learn and seek to master. With it you can change the course of your life, with it you can access jobs and relationships that you never would have been able to otherwise. So many people put so much emphasis on hard data, on hard skills. And while hard skills are certainly needed, it’s the soft skills that make the biggest difference.
Put another way, hard skills will get you into the game and soft skills will let/make you win the game, that’s the difference between the two and that’s a pretty big difference. I’ve written about influence before but I want to revisit it today and go over a few particular facets of influence that have stood out to me recently.
Particularly how we address others, especially those that are equal level to us or our subordinates, but this also applies to those above us as well. As a matter of fact it can be used to expand relationships with those higher on the totem pole than you and expand your influence across your company or social group.
So let’s get started.
How To Be 10x More Influential Than You Are Method #1 – Ask Questions
You’ve probably been told at some point in your life that you have two ears and one mouth and that there is a reason for that. Or that you should listen more than you speak. And all of this holds true, I’m just going to take it that one step further. Not only should you listen more than you speak but even when you speak you should be asking more questions than you are issuing statements. At least when it comes to influencing others.
When you ask questions you’re giving the other person respect and letting them expand upon what they have said or what they know. Even if you are teaching them something, then you are letting them come to the knowledge on their own. You are letting them work through and work to it which will help them take ownership of the knowledge and make it their own. This is something many religious teachers have done throughout the ages through great effect.
But asking questions you don’t come up against as much resistance to those you are speaking with. A genuine question, that shows that you were listening, will give you more influence with that particular person than just about anything else you can do. Questions can be used to learn more about a person, to coach them, to teach them, to show that you are listening, and also be shown as a sign of respect.
Ask more questions with your direct reports, those above you, and those on the same level as you.
How To Be 10x More Influential Than You Are Method #2 – Tell Stories
Storytelling doesn’t mean writing a novel or speaking in parables, though both are obviously methods of story telling. Story telling means simply putting information into a narrative context that is the easiest way for humans to understand and digest something. Nothing less and nothing more. If you learn to tell stories you are learning one of the most important influencing tools that you can have.
We all communicate and understand the world around us in stories. Man is a narrative making animal. Sort of like seeing faces in tree branches and the like, we try to see story and narrative even when it’s not there, we can’t help it. It’s part of who we are fundamentally as a species. So whenever you are presenting information try to narrativize it as much as you can.
There are some great books on this subject, simply lookup business storytelling and you’ll find a whole host of them. And then practice. Take something, anything. A subject that you want to teach, a presentation that you have to make, whatever you will, and put it into a story format. Present it in your room, visualizing you presenting it to others.
Do this again and again until it becomes second nature.
Becoming More Influential
These are simple tasks, asking questions and telling stories. Sort of basic if you think about it. But that’s the thing, so much of success in life is about getting the basics right. About performing the basic things as an advanced level. Advanced basics is what my boxing coach used to call it and he was exactly right. Do the basic things but at an advanced level, that is what makes the difference. Whether in the boardroom, on the field of play, or in social situations, it’s all the same.
So adapt these skills, learn all you can about them, practice them, and then watch yourself soar.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
