Partway based off old guest post that again never went live, so reworked and reposted here.
I’m not going to pretend like I’m an expert here as I have no son of my own. Instead I’ll talk about things that I saw work for others and things that impacted me greatly and helped with my own development in a positive way. Again I have no son of my own (then again can’t tell how a kid will turn out until much later in life) but these are still things that I see as being beneficial.
I think a great lot has been missed in regards to imparting wisdom into the generation that came before. What was once of the upmost importance to societies and families now seems to rarely if ever take place. Each new generation does not receive family and cultural wisdom but instead is left to the mercy of government schools and mass media resulting in…in what we have now. I’m not sure when this stopped but I know a great deal was lost with it.
There are few relationships in a man’s life that are going to be more important or have a greater impact on how he turns out than that between him and his father (same could definitely be said of daughter as well but that’s a post for another time). You want to create an environment that is going to nurture your sons masculinity so that he can grow into a man, here I’m going to lay out a couple of key ways to do this.
Step #1 For Raising Masculine Sons – Be An Example
This is by far the most critical step and this applies to most things in life. You must first and foremost be an example of what you want your sons to be as best as possible. We all have limitations and we all have ways in which we’ll fail, the point isn’t to never fail. It’s to strive to be the best example that we can be. And teach not as much by the words that we say but rather by the life that we live and the example that we set.
A couple of examples here. If you want your son to have proper relations with women but you let your wife boss you around and degrade you then he’ll most likely mirror that in his relations. Likewise if you want him to be a reader but don’t read yourself there’s a fat chance that’s ever going to happen. Same with things like being physically fit, being able to fight, carrying oneself with pride, and so on and so forth.
Your own actions speak more to your sons (and everyone else) more than anything else ever could. And are going to have a bigger impact on him than anything you say ever will. Without this foundation piece in place the other things aren’t going to be very effective. This is the foundation upon which everything else is built and stems from. Get this right and you’ll be on the right path regardless of the other things that you do or don’t do. It starts with you.
Step #2 For Raising Masculine Sons – Teach Him To Read, Write, & Fight
There are some foundational skills that are critically important to a child’s development that I don’t think regular schooling does very well. Now granted any school is going to teach your son the basics of reading and writing but I mean this in a different way. I don’t mean learning the ABCs or being able to put letters into words into sentences into meaning. Though obviously those things are important. Rather I mean this in a deeper and more important way.
By writing I mean the ability to express oneself and grapple with problems one has in their head and heart. To understand how language works so one can express themselves better, a critical skill to have in life. This will spill over into other places as well beyond writing but to communication as a whole. Next with reading I’d say give him books that are good for both his mind and soul. Raise him on the stories of heroes, warriors, rogues, and kings. Give him Conan, Tarzan, and the like. Give him a taste of strength, valor, honor, and the things that are good in this world.
Now for the third skill which is not taught in school and that is fighting. One of my earliest memories is my dad teaching me to make a proper fist. Teaching a boy to fight is teaching him how to be both confident and humble at the same time. It teaches him that he is not invincible and it also teaches him that he has more strength than he thinks. He’ll be able to deal with bullies and others in accordance. He’ll be able to walk with his head held high and help others at the same time. Really an indispensable thing.
Step #3 For Raising Masculine Sons – Teach Him Your Values
Again the best way to do this is through example but beyond that there will also be times when you need to sit down and explain to him how the world works and why you have different values that you do. And if this is something you never put much thought into then I’d start right away as this is a very important part of life. This world wants to eat your son whole physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The darkness is out there and it’s hungry.
But sheltering always backfires. You must give him a strong arm, a sharp mind, and a stout heart if he is to make it. Why are certain things important to you and certain things not. Why do the things you believe not line up with what he is being taught in school and sees on TV? Why the discrepancies? Who is right? You can say “Because I said so” but as soon as he gets into the real world that’s not going to hold any water and probably will be something he rebels against.
You have to explain the why and understand the why yourself. Again this is something that takes time and effort (like most good things) but is well worth it in the end. And it doesn’t happen on its own but is something you’ll have to make active effort for. Imparting your values and way of life is critical though and something that happened most of the time throughout history, though in the current age it’s usually an exception instead of the norm. It doesn’t have to be so with you.
Raising Masculine Sons
The father son relationship is critical. And not something that should be left to chance. There are certain places where you’ll need to be firm and other places where you can give a little. These places are places where I’d suggest firmness but only you will know for sure what is what. So serve as an example of what a man should be. Teach your sons critically important skills such as reading, writing, and how to fight. And then impart in them your values and way of life and most importantly the why behind all of it.
Doing this won’t guarantee your sons will turn out in a way that you will be proud of but it will give you a greater likelihood that that’s what will happen. Again I’m not going to say I’m an expert in this field, this is simply my humble contribution and things that I’ve seen that have made a difference in those that I know and in myself and my own life. Hopefully it helps.
If anything I said here interests you I’d highly recommend you check out The Ultimate Alpha Collection which is a compilation of 16 of my books for the price of 5. It covers everything from being a man to making money to getting the right mindset to getting girls to fighting and more and is a resource no man should be without. Pick up your copy today!
-Charles Sledge
