The Only Time It’s Acceptable To Lower Your Standards

The Only Time It's Acceptable To Lower Your Standards by Charles Sledge

I’ve talked about having high personal standards before and how a man should never settle. And I stand by those assertions however after talking with some friends and getting some questions I have come to the conclusion that there is one major exception to this and it is only temporary. A man must have self-respect for himself and for the most part a man accepts nothing but the best. However not all of us are at that level yet and that is fine. Some of us are still early in the journey.

There is nothing wrong with this as the only way to fail is to never take the journey in the first place. However for those who are not that far on the journey having incredibly high standards may actually be limiting them. A man does what he wants to fulfill his needs regardless of what others think, say, or do. This is something we can agree on. A man must first walk before he can run. While running is the ultimate goal is isn’t right to dock a man because he is walking as long as his ultimate goal is running. Which brings me to my point.

The Only Time It Is Okay To Lower Your Standards.

A man should have high standards and that is all well and good however those that are not at that level yet may be hurting themselves by having such high standards. I recently was asked about lowering one’s standards to get out of a dry spell. At first I thought of course not, just bang a hot woman, but I think that was a unfair response. Instead for those early in the journey banging a woman, any woman can be just what is needed to get the ball rolling.

Banging an not that attractive woman is better than not having sex. While this should be at best a temporary fix to get you on your feet never the less it may be needed. I’ve seen guys who have crazy high standards and yet haven’t gotten laid in a month. In this instance the smartest thing to do is lower your standards to get the ball rolling again. Bad sex in this case is better than no sex as long as the end goal is to have sex with the woman you want.

It you haven’t touched a woman in a month and an older or not so attractive woman obviously wants you then I say go for it. Don’t make it a habit but use it as kindling to get your fire going again. Again this isn’t to become a habit but rather used as a temporary fix, a jump start if you will. Nothing more and nothing less. It is used to get you going and back on your feet. Stick to your high standards once you are further on the path and have things going how you want.

How To Break A Dry Spell

If you haven’t gotten laid in a month its time to lower your standards. Usually I’d be one hundred percent against this but I’ve seen men who need this. If this is your situation you need to do something ASAP. Sex is a need just like food or water. Okay not exactly like food or water but it’s definitely up there. And your hand and porn will never fulfill you. Banging less than perfect girls is a place we all have to go through at one point or another. It’s of course not the end goal but may be part of the path to getting there.

Who cares what you friends think, this about you fulfilling your need. If they give you shit about it then a lot of them are probably in the same boat yet too pussy to do anything about it. If you’re having a dry spell you owe it to yourself to do something about it. You need to place your needs above the opinions of others. If you friends made fun of you for being hungry and eating something that wasn’t perfectly cooked and prepared would you care? No, of course don’t make a habit of it but were talking about a quick fix here, not a life plan.

You’ve heard the expression beggars can’t be choosers and it applies here. If you’re not getting laid you have no room to be turning girls down at this point in your life. You need to get out there and get action. This applies doubly if you are a virgin. Focus on getting laid, not necessarily with who but just getting laid. It doesn’t matter if she isn’t your dream girl at this point, just get some damn action.


If you’re not getting laid refusing to lower your standards is doing nothing but hurting you. This going to be done short term but the long term effects are going to be very beneficial. There is no shame in having a dry spell so long as you take action to correct it and don’t just sit around clinging to high standards that are obviously not doing you any good (at least at this moment in time, down the road this will change). Maybe she’s a little older, maybe she’s a little plain looking this doesn’t matter if you’re not already getting laid a lot.

And honestly if you’ve been drinking and it’s in the dark how much of a difference is it going to make? Again this shouldn’t become a habit but you get what I’m saying. Put your ego aside for one damn minute so that you can fulfill your needs. That’s right this often comes down to an ego issue more than anything. You have to let go of your ego because right now it’s hurting you and holding you back. Read this article by Chris from Good Looking Loser. Don’t let your ego prevent you from living life to it’s fullest.

If you have any questions you would like to see answered in a future post send them to me at charlessledge001 (at) gmail (dot) com. If you found value in this post then I would encourage you to share this site with someone who may need it as well as check out my books here. I appreciate it.

-Charles Sledge

Charles Sledge

  • Funny but sad… but oh so true…

    you know Charles I have been rejected by ugly girls, by chubby girls… by absolutely filthy girls…

    But there was this one ugly girl when I was in the mid-west, working my ass off all day long and had no time for relationships and I hit a dry spell… couldn’t get laid to save my life – I was desperate and horny and frustrated – this was after the fucking rampage and I was putting my life in order and trying to deal with the world as cordially and as well mannered as I could be… but the woman weren’t biting… enter an ugly little Asian girl who helped my get through that spell… and Charles, that girl let me do everything and anything I wanted to do with her – see, she was desperate and horny and frustrated as well… but more than that, she was needy for love and would accept anything that resembled it… When you are rejected by ugly fat girls it really fucks up your ego and confidence… I thought there was something wrong with me… and there was but I did not know it at the time – I was desperate, horny and frustrated and I was being too nice and coming off too needy… now, being with this little ugly girl that was giving me some of the best sex I ever had not only helped to clear up the horny and frustrated part, but it also cleared up the desperation and helped my relax, and at the end of the day instead of sticking around to bullshit with everyone I cleared out to get some of that low down dirty sex that was so good… and the women that were around started to notice that I was no longer needy and desperate nor was I nice… for at this point in my life I was also coming to terms with reality… I was getting hot sex from an ugly girl and I was becoming chill and an ass-hole at the same time, and the women were looking at me differently… somehow women can tell when I guy is getting laid, just like they can sense the desperation and neediness…

    Aside from the dirty lovin’ I was getting from this girl she was also nice to me – she was kind and would invest more than just sex into our relationship – she did things for me, I do believe because she genuinely wanted to and she put up with a lot from me – but I was working about 16 hours a day then and spend very little time with her – at least not enough time with her for me to get to know her very well… to actually care for her emotionally… but I did like having her around… I never wanted to hurt her, but I did. that relationship ended because I did not want her coming around the business, and she began to realize that I was embarrassed by her… and I was, I was concerned by what others would think if they found out this is where I was getting my sex from… and she left, but I started to get laid on the regular again… but I still think of that girl fondly because she is among the few women that did nice things for me… and after that I also stopped giving a holy fuck about what others thought of me (outside of business), and stopped caring about trying to impress anyone with the women I am with – though as I have moved up in life the women have gotten better as well – but who cares

    • Yeah slumpbusters can be just what is needed at times lol. Especially early in the game. As long as a habit isn’t made of it lol. And yes the more you grow generally the better types of women you’ll attract, again generally. And that’s based on having a knowledge of game as well otherwise personal growth (especially monetarily) can just make you a juicier target.

  • H8TheWayLifeIs

    i already know whining, complaining will never solve anything, i know you are solution-oriented Charles, but one thing that also bothers me a lot, is that even average and below average looking women have lots of options as well, have lots of suitors, have you ever noticed or felt that way as well too? because i have been lowering my standards lately to get laid, but more so to finally get a girlfriend, i feel i need to do it in order for the reference experience, for practice, one other pick-up coach told it is also called momentum building. Since i will admit, i haven’t dated much in my life, although the good news about me this year, is that i have been on 6 dates this year, which is more than the past couple of years combined, although unfortuneately, most of those were first dates that didn’t result in a second date, although i did end up going on a second date with a girl last Friday, me and her are still talking, too early to say if me and her will end up becoming exclusive, or if there will be a third date and beyond, although i did attempt to set up another date this weekend but she says she is busy(not sure if she is doing that because she truly is being busy, or is no longer interest but doesn’t want to be upfront about it, or because she is testing me for neediness or clinginess, because i already know thats one of the tests women do to men, they test them for neediness or desperation, clinginess, by showing unavailibilty or canceling plans and pay close attention to see how the guy reacts).

    I will admit, she is kinda fat and chubby, same with all the other girls i’ve been on dates with so far this year, but like i said, doing it for the reference experience, practice, experience.

    Maybe you should do an article as to what are the common reasons why men don’t end up getting a second date with a girl, they are able to get first dates with girls but almost no second dates, or they do end up going on only 2 dates or only a couple of dates but the guy and girl don’t end up becoming exclusive, and it ends up being because the woman lost interest.

    My reasons have been because the girl has said that she didn’t feel a connection with me, didn’t feel any chemistry, so it makes me wonder if i did something wrong on my part, what are the main reasons why women don’t end up feeling a connection or chemistry with a guy on the first date or first couple of dates, which doesn’t result in them becoming exclusive? and have average and below average looking women, even though type of women have always had lots of options and suitors as well, or is this a generational thing, in which lesser attractive women still have lots of options, suitors?

    • If a girl doesn’t go on a second date with you it’s because there was no interest. She wasn’t turned on by you put bluntly. That’s what “lack of chemistry/whatever BS she says” means. It could be for a number of different reasons.

      Being too nice probably one of them. You have to relate to her as a man to woman, there has to be sexual tension that comes from you being bold and strong. Make eye contact, touch her. Don’t be a ball-less polite friend.

      Remember the sexual pyramid even the worst of women will still be above the below average man.

      • H8TheWayLifeIs

        you have articles about how to relate to women as man to woman? and how to create sexual tension on the dates? and you think it’s nature, part of the game, for women more often than men, to lose interest in the early dating stages? most of the time, its the woman that loses interest after the first date or couple of dates, not the man, right?

        • It depends on who has the higher value and since most males have low value yeah on average women are probably going to lose interest more. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Yeah type in sexual tension in the search bar.

          • H8TheWayLifeIs

            awesome, and the long and short of it, would you say, what makes a man high-value to a woman is different than what makes a woman high-value to a man? thats the basic long and short of it?

          • Yes. Masculinity, power, strength, and dominance are what attract women to men. While looks and femininity are what attract men to women.

          • H8TheWayLifeIs

            i got this from a former RSD coach, he works for another pick-up company now, he said “Dude the only thing that matters for a hot girl is that she looks good. That’s it. Her societal value is how she looks”, you agree with that?

          • Pretty much, especially if it’s just a hookup.

          • H8TheWayLifeIs

            ya, but it also seems, a lot of guys out there will even actually date a girl, actually even get into either a short-term or even long-term relationship with one, as long as she is hot, looks good physically, and she has little or nothing going for her in her life, i’ve heard about it a lot over the years but as time as gone by it seems more true, a womans looks, physical appearence, play a much bigger role on her attractiveness than the other way around right?

          • Yes very much so.

          • H8TheWayLifeIs

            ya, it hit me hard a while back but another reason why it should be obvious and i’m sure you would agree with this, as to why womens looks play a much powerful factor on her attractiveness than the other way around, hence thats why pretty much all Beauty Pageants in the world, it is women only in the contest, for example, there is a Miss America Pageant contestant from each state, but i don’t believe there is a Mr. America pageant, would you say thats another argument to prove that a womans looks are main part of her societal value more than the other way around?

          • Yeah that’s a good example.

          • H8TheWayLifeIs

            i got this from a dating guru on the east coast, a black one, he said: “A
            cute woman working at McDonalds has more access to men than a Man
            making 6 figures on wall street has access to women. Also the fact that
            women generally just have to choose from a number of men who are
            pursing. Men actually have to pursue or nothing happens for him”

            what you think of that?

          • Exaggerated and technically not true but it gets the point across.

        • Seppuku

          Like Charles said, avoid being too nice. Touch her a lot, make eye contact, and do not give yourself away too much with your body language (you want to avoid being read like an open book). Make sure she does most of the talking. Have a couple of sexy innuendos here and there.

          Another possible reason for no second date is if you made her very horny but didn’t conclude in sex. Maybe not the case here, but you will run into this if you become good at creating tension. Sexual tension should not grow cold, and can only be defused in the bed!

          @charlessledge:disqus Congratulations for this great site! I’m a daily reader.

  • R.I.P Pimp C

    this is something i have a very hard time with. i have been on a year long dry spell and its really driving me nuts, i have to take SSRI’s to feel better about my situation its just sad. im trying to quit porn and get with real women but

    • With your situation you might want to look in having a girlfriend just for awhile. At least to get you out of the dry spell. Or you could have one as a slump buster and see how you feel after that. After all when the lights are off there really isn’t that much difference.

      • R.I.P Pimp C

        thats true, i will try to work on that.

        • You might want to check for some sort of vitamin deficiency or lack of sleep if you’re experiencing low feelings often. Maybe lift more or lift less depending on what you’re doing. You’ll be fighting an uphill battle without feeling good.

          • R.I.P Pimp C

            i try to do a variety of stuff like make music or work out, but when im finished im right back to feeling lonely and being depressed. i understand that women arent supposed to be my #1 priority, but its hard to focus on school or life period when you’re alone ALL the time. its not even about the sex i havent had a good hug or a simple kiss from a woman in a long time and it just bothers me, sometimes i cant even stare at a girl without feeling down. im hoping that medication helps me ease my mind or i find someone to be with soon, cause its hard to live life with so much sadness in my heart and it keeps getting worse.

          • I’d shoot for getting a girlfriend then to cover that. Might want to try through social circle activities as opposed to cold approach.

          • R.I.P Pimp C

            im going to try to join a club at school and see how that goes. this morning i got rejected again and im not seeing cold approaching as a option right now so im definitely going to stop. i will try to find a social circle as well.

          • Awesome man, yeah cold approaching can be overrated. Clubs and activities are great ideas.

    • H8TheWayLifeIs

      i’m guessing you are in your early 20’s Pimp C? or late teens? if so, i envy you that you discovered this site so young, wish Charles Sledge was around when i was your age

  • Ivan

    i really dont care if i have a dry spell for a couple of months…i dont watch porn and dont fap…i trasnmutate my sexual energy into great things so i m always fullfilled…i still chat with girls and take action but i m not desperate for results or pussy cause my sexual energy helps me on my goals.So what i want to say is.. if you have a dry spell dont be ashamed of it…just dont give your masculine energy to some pixels or with your hand alone..sex will come eventually and naturally in your life if you are selfimpoving all the time.

    • Great points, sexual energy is the strongest energy you can direct. Directing it towards the right things is always going to end up well for you.