First off let me say that I have no intentions of getting married any time soon if ever. With the way the modern world works I just don’t think it is a viable option for me. However this may change in the future and if so I would be thankful that I picked up this great book by Return of Kings writer Michael Sebastian. Michael also runs his own site at Honor and Daring.
If you are married, engaged, or plan on being married at any point in the future then pick up this book. Michael delves into a variety of topics, all essential to having a marriage that not just survives, but thrives in this degenerate age. However Michael doesn’t say it will be easy as marriage takes hard work by both parties, something Michael is well aware of. So don’t think Michael is being unrealistic or doesn’t know what he is talking about, he does.
The Battlefield
Michael starts out with describing the origin of marriage and the war on it. A war waged by corporations, Feminists, and other assorted groups each with their own purpose. I should note Michael isn’t whining or crying about these things. He states facts simply so that everyone is aware of what they are dealing with. He debunks many myths such as Margaret Mead’s Samoa “research” as well as that marriage was unknown prior to Christianity.
One of the biggest myths that Michael debunks is the myth that divorce leads to a great, fulfilling, sex filled life. This myth is false, especially for women who tend to believe in it more then men do. While divorce is hailed as “empowering for women” in our culture (then again what isn’t) the reality that the average woman after a divorce can expect little to no attention from men (especially if she has children and/or is older), financial struggles, and stress. So much fun right? Just like Sex and the City. Anyways Michael paints a realistic portrayal of divorce and how its not quite as glamorous as portrayed on TV.
Cheat Proofing
Michael devotes a whole chapter for ways to men and women to cheat proof their marriage. Even if you are just in a relationship with a woman you need to read this section. The first advice Michael offers is incredibly important, especially for women. Stay in shape. Just because you are married is no excuse to let yourself go. After the marriage many women (and men) will get fat then wonder why their spouse ended up banging the neighbor. Looks matter, you need to be sexually attractive to your spouse, no if, ands, or buts about it.
Something else Michael highlights is that you should avoid “friendships” with members of the opposite sex. Many people live under the delusion that men and women can be friends. And while this might be true if there is a large age difference, the man is a wimp, or the women is ugly/fat but otherwise this isn’t possible. A man and a woman who have any (and I mean any) sexual attraction for each other cannot be friends. And trying to become friends usually ends up in infidelity. Michael’s advice is to be “friendly but not familiar” with the opposite sex is you are a married man or woman.
Headship of Family
Michael talks about how the man is the head of the family and the household. This is the natural God given order and going against it will only cause problems. You can either break yourself against the rules of the universe or you can harness them to help you. My advice would be to harness them. If you are the man then you are the leader and if you don’t lead, your wife will find a man who will. Leadership is not a privilege but a responsibility as Michael states
“The spiritual headship of the husband is the natural order of marriage. Contrary to what moderns think, spiritual headship is more of a burden than a privilege. Far from making women unhappy, following the Biblical design for masculine and feminine roles will ensure that both husband and wife are happy”
What to Look for in a Spouse
Michael talks about what to look for in a spouse. He talks about attractiveness as it is a very important quality of the one you marry. He warns against marrying someone simply for their looks like most people do. However Michael also warns about marrying someone who they are not attracted to but who exhibit good qualities as this can lead to a host of problems of its own. Michael takes the middle road and suggests looking for someone who you are sexually attracted to while also having more to offer than just their looks.
Michael states that “Good character is the most necessary ingredient to a successful marriage”. He warns against getting deeply involved with someone who has a character flaw. If you see red flags take notice of them and do not go into a commitment if you are sure of someone. If you doubt their integrity or character than you should not be in a relationship with that person, simply as that. Also if a woman doesn’t want to be a parent and you do than you should look for someone else or vice versa. If a man doesn’t want to be a parent and you do then you should look for someone else.
Final Thoughts
Most marriages fail. The culture is against marriage. Marriage has never been easy, even when society was for it and promoted it, marriage took work. Nowadays marriage is even rougher and you must be prepared if you want your marriage to survive. To prepare you must gain wisdom and knowledge. You would not set across the ocean without knowledge of weather, boating, and survival so why would you set out on the ocean of marriage without the proper knowledge. The metaphor was a bit stretched but I think you get the idea.
Destroyed marriages ruin lives and not just the lives of the spouses involved but of the family involved too. There is a deep need for solid families a need that is not being met and that society fights against with all of its power. This book is a must read for both men and women. Religious or non religious. Young or old. If you are someone who cares about their marriage or their future marriage do yourself a favor and pick up Michael’s book today.
Click here to pick up your copy of Staying Married in a Degenerate Age
I’ve heard a lot of good stuff about this book and, being a married man myself, should probably invest in a copy. Thanks for your detailed analysis of the book.
No problem, the only other marriage book I’ve read that was worth it was the Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. Dumb name honestly but good book. Might be worth checking in to.