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Is It Masculine To Express Your Emotions?

This is a question that has plagued many males for some time. Men obviously have emotions yet we know that being overly emotional is feminine…right? I mean to get angry at something that’s fine but never express care in anything or anyone. While I’m not going to lie there is some credence to this over simplistic view but it is not the final or right answer. It’s a bit more complicated than that.

I’ve said before that men were not made to emotionless automatons. Men was created with emotions for a reason. Emotions play an important role in life and need to be used by men for the most fulfilling life possible. Yet we run into the same old only women show emotions and to show emotions to another man would be “weird” or even homosexual.

The Truth

The truth of the matter is much different. Emotions are not inherently womanly (even emotions such as care) nor are they homosexual or “weird”. To live a full and rewarding life a man must become comfortable with his emotions. Now this is very different than the Oprah style “comfortable with your emotions” which means to be led around by them like women. Rather to be comfortable expressing them and having them.

It is not masculine to be led by your emotions but it is also not masculine to fear expressing them because of the judgement of others. Any man who denies what is in his heart for fear of others is a coward. A man who holds himself back so the other males around him is a coward. Yet being “emotional” as in led around by your emotions as it is often used is not masculine either. A man must be able to express his emotions yet not be controlled by them either. He must be able to “open up” while still being strong and in control.

Good Vulnerability, Bad Vulnerability

There are two types of “vulnerability” that I have seen described in relation to men. One is very bad and one is very good. We’ll start with the bad. Bad vulnerability is weakness. It’s being a cowardly pussy who could be pushed around by even the weakest of society. Being wimpy essentially. Being spineless and letting everyone run over you. Being at the bottom tier of the “prey” of society. That is bad vulnerability and it is incredibly unmasculine. Now let’s talk about good vulnerability.

Good vulnerability is being able to express yourself and your emotions and not keeping them bottled up out of fear or anything else. It’s telling someone to “fuck off” when you mean it as well as “I care about you” when you mean it. It’s about being honest and expressive. Essentially it comes down to having the balls to say what you mean and mean what you say regardless of what anything or anyone around you thinks, says, or does. That is good “vulnerability” and it is incredibly masculine.

Examples Of Good Vulnerability

Here is a prime example of good vulnerability. Seeing a woman you like at a bar and going up and talking to her and letting her know you find her attractive. That is good vulnerability. Let’s say you do this and you get rejected you go back to your friends who are all giving you a hard time. Yet they have done nothing but sit in a corner all night. They’ve seen girls and thought “Man I’d love to take her home” but they are too chickenshit to come out and “vulnerable” about it. Does that make sense?

The guys who didn’t express themselves are actually being pussies and the guy expressing himself is being a man. This quote by Theodore Roosevelt illustrates this perfectly, it’s a bit of a long one so stay with me.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

That is a perfect example of men expressing good vulnerability. A large part of which is being forward, honest, and open with your emotions.

Summary

So no expressing your emotions is not unmasculine. In actuality it is holding them back and not expressing the truth that you feel is unmasculine and weak. Express your emotions but do not be led by them. Don’t be one of those cowards who never enter into the arena. Who sit back in their corners and lob judgments because they know they’re too chickenshit to ever stand a chance. Be a man and express your emotions.

If you have any questions you would like to see answered in a future post send them to me at charlessledge001 (at) gmail (dot) com. If you found value in this post then I would encourage you to share this site with someone who may need it as well as check out my books here. I appreciate it.

-Charles Sledge

Charles Sledge

4 Comments

  1. I agree in theory, but in reality there are good reasons to be afraid of expressing emotions. I have personally been backstabbed by a guy whom I opened up to and told that I felt terrible and had suicidal thoughts. This guy called the cops on me and I was forced against my will to spend 2 months at the nuthouse.

    Also, try being honest with cops. Don’t know how it is in America, but if you tell a cop to fuck off here in Germany, you will get punished. I have a bill lying around somewhere. I insulted 3 cops who were taking away my computers for a bogus investigation that they had no proof for. What’s the result? The result is a bill over 6000 EUR.

    Do I regret those things? I’d say I regret the first one more than the second one. Money lost, I hardly care at the moment. But freedom lost for a more or less significant time with practically no rights whatsoever? That fucked me up pretty badly.

    So I’d maybe add: Before expressing yourself, wonder whether the other person can handle it without backstabbing you or using their authority to make your life living hell.

    Maybe you have thoughts on this that I haven’t thought of before, though.

  2. Great article and interesting subject.

    I think that the most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Sometimes you have to hide your reaction if that can be used against you. Just like when boxer hit another boxer and he is hurt but if he show that, he is done.

    On the other hand, if you keep your negative emotions in your body, laying yourself that everything is cool, that can be harmful and it creates self contempt: http://www.rebornmasculinity.com/self-contempt/

    I would say that as long as you don’t bullshit yourself, you are good.

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