This is a weekly column by Stefan Simonovic. Stefan runs multiple dating sites and writes about dating for men. In this article Stefan is going to talk about why loyalty is rare and how to find it. Enjoy.
Loyalty – all of us look for it in the people who surround us, but, unfortunately, only some of us know how to value it properly or how to nourish it within ourselves. Many people have been in a situation where they were abandoned by their partner for someone else or in a scenario when they stopped hanging out with a friend just because they found out he’s into BBW online dating or has some other quirk to him.
Either way, having loyal people around you isn’t something that you can come across every day. And to make matters worse, a large majority of us will not even think about whether someone is loyal to them or not simply to avoid that feeling of devastation and loneliness when they realize the person who they thought was their friend or lover was just another face that hangs out with them.
So, why is loyalty that rare and is there any real way to find it? There’s no simple answer to this question, but we’ll do our best to look into the causes of loyalty’s rareness and if there is a method of finding a loyal person that will stick around through thick and thin.
Ambition – Good and Bad
While loyalty is always a good thing and something that everyone values in others, ambition, on the other hand, can be tricky. It’s both good and bad – it all depends on how you look at it.
Firstly, most of us look for an ambitious person while searching for a partner or a friend. We would like to have a girlfriend who wants more out of life than to just get married, have kids and be a housewife for the rest of her life, and while at it, also have a best buddy who won’t be satisfied by sitting around but would rather go bungee jumping with you and will come to your aid whenever you need him.
With that being said, ambition is also the opposite of loyalty. In fact, it’s the most common reason why people aren’t loyal anymore – in order to be loyal to someone, one must put aside his/her ambitions and do things that will benefit the person he/she is loyal to.
Interestingly enough, we get attracted to those who have ambitions even though this means that they probably aren’t as loyal as we would like them to be. We live in a crazy time where people have to bend over backwards in order to make it in life, which means loyalty has given way to ambition big time.
Attracting the Right Kind
Now for the second part of the abovementioned question: how to find loyalty? The trick here is not to look for loyal people, but to set the stage in such a way that they’ll get attracted to you in an instant. Here’s a few tips on how to do that.
First off, be that guy who will always be open for a genuine connection. We’re not talking about getting laid – instead, try to connect with someone in an honest way, without showing dominance and without trying to impress someone with trivial things such as material possessions, achievements, and so on.
Secondly, don’t try to make that connection with everyone. Those who harbor loyalty usually realize pretty early in life that most people are, well, crappy and that they will never be able to connect with everyone. As soon as someone starts showing those negative traits like ambition, bragging, and money-loving, politely say your goodbyes and move on.
The third “rule” of finding loyalty is looking for it not only in different people, but in different places, as well. You’ll never meet a loyal girlfriend, boyfriend or friend if you don’t show vulnerability by stepping outside of your comfort zone. Go to a place you’ve always avoided in the past and approach the type of person you would normally stay away from.
Last – but most certainly not least – is being the first one who’s loyal. If you want to see loyalty in someone else, you’ll have to show it in yourself first. You can’t really expect a good friend or an awesome partner to give to you more than they’re receiving from you, right?
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