This is an article by Terrence Kennedy of Men’s Axis a website dedicated to helping men get the most out of life. In Terrence’s own words he is a “man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveler, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY man, an ultimate outsider and documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman’s etiquette.” and now he’s passing all the information he has gleaned on to you. In this article Terrence lays out how to get over a devastating breakup. Enjoy.
I must admit, it has been ages since I’ve put myself through a breakup, and it’s one of those situations that my past has taught me to avoid. The fact is that most people on this planet are going to have to deal with a soul crushing breakup at least once in their lives.
Whether you had a meagre fling or had been together for years, your self-esteem is likely to take a blow after the end of a relationship. There will always be a feeling of rejection, at the very least; and where more intensive relationships are concerned, focusing your attention on your heartache will almost surely drive you mad.
The bad news is, that there is very little you can do to quell the pangs of missing her once you have split up. Time is the ultimate healer, but our hearts are impatient creatures, and they want to recover now.
But there is a way to offer yourself relief during this difficult time, and that is by keeping yourself busy; productively so:
Why being productive is better than going off the wagon
Emotions such as depression and anxiety which are typically associated with a breakup, can make it difficult for you to even consider being productive; which can make it all to tempting to busy your mind with destructive behaviors such as drinking, drugs and plenty of sex.
While these activities may be fun, and could even take your mind off of your breakup for a while, they will do nothing to boost your already bruised ego, and will get you no closer to being back on your feet than you currently are.
Productive activities such as concentration on exercise, your work, or even taking an interest in a new hobby, will provide you with the distraction you need, but will also give you results that will make you feel better about who you are, and will give you the lift you need to get out of your rut.
So let’s get started:
Concentrate on self-improvement
One of the best activities to turn to after a breakup, is to conduct in any activity that fosters your sense of self.
Exercise is a good start. it will help get endorphins flowing through your body which will keep your mind in a sound state during this time of pressure; and it will also get you looking and feeling good, which will have you back on a successful dating scene in no time.
When it comes to self-improvement, plenty of exercise is not your only port of call. Work on your diet, your extra-curricular activities and try kick those bad habits which have been sitting on your shoulder for years.
Take up a new and engaging hobby
They say that every man needs a hobby, though there is little to agree upon when it comes to considering which ones are healthy. Take this time to find ones that work for you.
A good start is to stop taking part in activities that you and your ex used to do exclusively together (with the possible exception of sex, of course), take up something new to mark your new beginning.
Where there any activities that your ex didn’t like, now’s your chance to try them without having to make up for it later.
Keeping your hands busy will keep your mind and heart calm, so try to stay busy with activities that you enjoy doing. Learn a new instrument, take up coding, gaming or even stamp collecting; anything to keep your fingers and neurons busy.
Concentrate on your career
By focusing your attention on your work, you could easily replace that lingering feeling of doubt and emptiness with pride in a job done well.
This is an opportunity to boost yourself, to be more successful without the stress of a relationship holding you back. It will also give you the time you need to prove to yourself that you are a better man than your ex had assumed.
And who knows, if you do well enough at it, you might even get to rub it in her face when you are rolling in cash.
Get yourself into social situations
A great way to keep your mind off of past events is to put yourself out there and to meet new people. That doesn’t mean you’re going out there with the sole intention of rebounding. By simply putting yourself in social situations you will be proving your sense of worth to yourself while making new and beneficial connections.
Further your education
If you want an activity that requires all of your mental capacity, one that will leave no room for thoughts of what could have been, have you considered furthering your studies.
Either by enrolling in an academic course, or simply taking a keen interest in science, developments or books isn’t for everyone, but if you find enjoyment in it, it is an excellent way to ensure that there is no space in your thoughts for negativity.
You might even find that the simple joy of learning new things will supersede all of those negative emotions you are currently feeling.
Things to avoid for a healthy recovery
If you fancy yourself as somewhat of a party animal, you may be tempted to turn to frequent nights out to keep yourself distracted. While a night out here and there is certainly healthy, the aftermath of a breakup can become self-destructive fairly quickly if left unchecked.
So, try not to turn too heavily to your vices after a separation. Irresponsible use of alcohol, drugs and sexual activities might dampen the pain in the short-term, but they will leave you feeling empty, anxious and hungover.
Activities such as these, when not used in a celebratory sense, will crush your self-esteem and make quick work of whittling you down to your worst self, making it all the more difficult to recover from the ordeal of your breakup
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